Mental Health

The Best Laid Plans…an off-the-cuff joint.

I had plans for the beginning of August that didn’t include chaos. I was thinking maybe camping.

The chaos isn’t originating with me this time, though I come to it easily enough; it’s coming from my daughter’s. She is ready to pull the trigger and leave the abusive relationship she’s in, which is fabulous news.

She’s going to be moving into my home with my two grandsons, also fun, if requiring some adapting on my part.

But change is change, good or bad, and it takes adapting to.

She’s going to be moving in at the end of this month. This means that, so far, mental adapting has taken a back seat to domestic rearranging. When you live alone, you tend to sprawl into all the spaces. Little bits here and there that now have to be localized to free up the two basement bedrooms.

Bedrooms and a sitting room in the basement give them some level of privacy as we all adapt to living together. It will help me as well. I like my space and routines. I don’t resent the coming changes, but they will require adapting to, and I can be especially slow with that in my home sphere, even when needs must.

I’m going to try to return to my daily routine on Monday. Structure is how I deal with external confusion. I’ll start post-weekend because I’m going to be a bit frazzled, anyhow, even without any pending changes. It’s Airshow weekend, and that’s usually hard on me.

Such has been my agitation, I missed noting that it was coming. I try to be away if at all possible – if you’ve seen fifty-plus airshows, you’ve seen them all, and the noise is a little unrelenting. I don’t enjoy it. I start to feel flinchy and overwhelmed.

On the bright side, my dog isn’t reactive to the loud planes at all. I was a smidge worried – she reacts poorly to the berry cannons that fire in the fields behind my house during summer indeed. Sonic booms, however, are a non-issue.

Suki is also quite thrilled with the increased grandkid presence this past week. Family is one of her most favourite things, especially kiddos. Family, water, and other dogs. Would that I let life be as simple.

15 thoughts on “The Best Laid Plans…an off-the-cuff joint.”

  2. We hear your awareness that change will result in adaptations by you

    We feel concern for everyone’s safety, and this comes from a place of love and care. Our concern arises from a book we’re reading: _Violence _ by James Gilligan.

    He claims that many males who abuse partners do it because they want someone to take care of them. The abuse is stimulated by the shame of not being manly and independent, which is who society trains men to be. “I don’t want you to leave,” he is thinking and his violence is to show the world the opposite: “I care so little for you that I’m willing to harm you,” as a counter for the shame, if we’re understanding Gilligan’s point. And so when their partner leaves, the men who abuse feel so much shame at not being able to care for themselves that they escalate the violence to show the world how manly they really are. Sending you care. 💗

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    1. Thanks for understanding.

      The concern for safety is a valid one. She is doing this with the help of social services and law enforcement, and even so, I’m worried about escalation as the reality of the changes set in.

      Thanks for the care. I appreciate it ☺️

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  3. How wonderful for all involved that your daughter and grandkids are moving in—big congrats to her for finding the strength to leave…it’s the hardest step to take.

    I totally understand your dysregulation. I have had a boomerang kid come back home a few times, and it’s always a scramble to provide an empty room. Who is able to leave a room empty in their home after a child has left? It certainly isn’t me.

    This past week, I flipped out because I had already shifted plans around to babysit my grandson on Friday but my daughter informed me on Monday that my son-in-law had told me the incorrect date, and it was actually Saturday.

    Most people would have pivoted easily, but I spun out. I need to have one weekend day each week to catch up on household chores, to sleep in, and re-center myself myself for the coming week. Most weekends this summer, I haven’t managed it, and I am exhausted, trying to do all of my chores after work, which has included a lot of overtime for the past six weeks.

    All that said, I managed to get it all done after work this past week…again. And babysitting my grandson yesterday/last night was fantastic.

    I hope the changes that come end up being positive all around.

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  4. How wonderful for you, your daughter, and grandkids! Taking the first step to leave an abusive relationship is the hardest one, so big congratulations to her!

    I also totally understand the dysregulation that comes with a boomerang kid, having had one of mine come back three times. It is always a scramble to provide an empty room. Who is able to leave a room empty in their home? It sure isn’t me.

    This past week, I completely spun out over a change in plans. My son-in-law had asked me to babysit my grandson on Friday, for which I had taken PTO. On Monday, my daughter and I were talking about it and realized he had told me the wrong day. It was, in fact, on Saturday.

    Most people would probably just pivot without stressing out. However, I really need one weekend day at home, so I can sleep in, do all my chores, and re-center myself for the coming week. This summer has not allowed much of that, and I’m exhausted fitting in all my chores after work, which has included a lot of overtime the past six weeks.

    Regardless, I managed to cram it all in after work, and babysitting my grandson yesterday was wonderful!

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    1. I’m so proud of her. It’s been hard, getting her to this point. People put up with a lot if they think they’re helping their kids.

      I’d turned the basement bedroom into my library and puttering space. There are around fifteen hundred books. That’s a lot of up and down seventeen stairs. I’m feeling virtuous regarding this week’s exercise accomplishments – I carry a banker box full at a time, and curse my affection for hardcovers.

      I’m glad you had a good day with your grandson. I get needing the one day to do get prepped. Trying to shoehorn needs into the space occupied by necessary business is hard. I would like the summer season of the child – I didn’t know how good I had it. Or the independently wealthy, though I’m sure they know.

      I hope work settles some, and you’re able to have your time back.

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  5. I hope the dogs cope all right with the noise. I am sorry to read about your daughter’s experience but am grateful to read that she got away from an abusive relationship. I imagine she will have some demons to deal with for some time. But for now, she is free. She is fortunate that you are there to support her at her time of need.

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