"I don’t find it surprising that I suffer from existential crises. I find it surprising there are people who don’t. I envy them their contentment, their unquestioning approach to life, their ability to put aside the big questions that plague me, the “who am I and why am I here and what is the purpose of my existence” questions that have always been a part of my existence..."
"I want to take a moment to thank everyone who took the time to read one of the posts I put out there into the online universe, or who followed me. I am beyond grateful. When I started putting my writings online, I had no expectations. No actual, real-world expectations, that is. In the secret part of my heart that likes to fantasize, I imagined an explosive, unprecedented success, perhaps even a Pulitzer in recognition of the stellar qualities found in my internal musings. I spent a lot of time in that fantasy; I pull out of the real world with alarming frequency. It’s quite a negative – it keeps me from reality and stops me from living. I get trapped in imaginary realms that, at times, seem more real than the world at hand."
"words are clumsy and imprecise,
narrowing complex emotions into simple groupings of letters
that do not adequately express anything, open as they are to misinterpretation and minimalization."
"i am having a problem with food and eating of late, in that i hate them both. this is a significant challenge when you consider that eating is one of the basic requirements for living."
"somedays, i want to eat everything. it’s the only thing that will help, at least that’s what my eating disorder likes to tell me."
"i’m not wearing my cheetah-print robe today and this is an unusual thing. i wear a robe or a jacket almost constantly; neither the weather nor the ambient temperature are part of the decision-making process. i don’t wear them to stay warm. i wear them as armour."
"there’s something that soothes when you sit by a lake, especially early in the morning, when the temperature has equalized causing the wind to drop off, and the water looks almost like glass, rippling gently as underwater streams flow. it’s a lovely slice of peace and quiet, available to me because even on vacation, i get up early."