A shocking relief.

I’ve spent an enormous amount of time and energy trying to control life. Trying to be perfect because perfect meant control and control meant safe and the lack thereof meant terrifying and unimaginable chaos during which it would be revealed that I was a horrifyingly awful specimen of humanity. Since this was not a revelation …

Continue reading A shocking relief.

Radiation and eating disorders.

I’ve finished the radiation therapy for my early-stage breast cancer and despite my anxiety-driven imaginings, things went okay. Physically. Getting your head around the mental stuff is more of a challenge. First, you have to acknowledge something has happened. I had five weeks of treatment, four of nausea and fatigue, and very little burning compared …

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Holding people to account.

I recently read “The Wisdom and Teachings of Stephen R. Covey”. I read it because I like to read and sometimes that includes things that are good for me. I frequent the same catalogue numbers in the non-fiction section of the library, checking for new and never read titles that appeal. I often strike out …

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who am I? – existential angst.

"I don’t find it surprising that I suffer from existential crises. I find it surprising there are people who don’t. I envy them their contentment, their unquestioning approach to life, their ability to put aside the big questions that plague me, the “who am I and why am I here and what is the purpose of my existence” questions that have always been a part of my existence..."

why do I blog?

"I want to take a moment to thank everyone who took the time to read one of the posts I put out there into the online universe, or who followed me. I am beyond grateful. When I started putting my writings online, I had no expectations. No actual, real-world expectations, that is. In the secret part of my heart that likes to fantasize, I imagined an explosive, unprecedented success, perhaps even a Pulitzer in recognition of the stellar qualities found in my internal musings. I spent a lot of time in that fantasy; I pull out of the real world with alarming frequency. It’s quite a negative – it keeps me from reality and stops me from living. I get trapped in imaginary realms that, at times, seem more real than the world at hand."