recovery and growth, things that interest me, occasional deep-thoughts, and semi-regular poetry
Depression and anxiety are problematic. They have a negative impact on the way I think and feel about things. Depression and anxiety ebb and flow. Sometimes, I nearly succeed in banishing them; unfortunately, they regroup and swell and try to take over the whole of me once again. Often, they seem overwhelming, too big to battle...
Sometimes, I think if I take off the reins, the urge to eat will take over my world. I know where it comes from and what drives it, this feeling that I can’t ever consume enough. This feeling that if I start, I’ll never stop. It’s from the eating disorder, from a lifetime of restriction and deprivation. You can’t undo what’s been done. I can’t go back in time and eat the food now I didn’t eat then. But I worry that without the restrictions I still have in place, I’ll try...
The grass surrounding my house is not going to win any awards. It will not be featured in a lawncare commercial unless someone needs a “before” picture. It is neither lush nor soft, it does not have the deep green of the Irish countryside...
I’m not a hugger. I don’t like hugs; I never really have. My mom tells me I’ve been “hands off my body” since I was a child...
I was lying in bed the other morning, not sleeping but also not eager to face the day, when I heard thumps coming from the other room. After some internal debate, I decided it probably wasn’t zombies and got up. I expected to find my cat doing something she ought not to be doing, knocking over plants, perhaps. Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be a small bird – a Toey – bashing itself on the window in a frantic attempt to escape. Poor, desperate, little thing...
