I have a potluck lunch today at noon and I’m so anxious about the whole thing I’m having trouble breathing. Shallow breathing and anxious feelings are stepping stones on the path to panic attacks, so this is not a good thing...
Tag: recovery
A bit of dark apathy.
I’m feeling dark. I used up too many spoons yesterday, a potentially fatal mistake when you’re deep in depression’s grip. It was my son’s twentieth birthday, however, and there was up to be gotten, preparations to be made, food to be cooked, and people to be interacted with. For hours...
The subtle art of giving advice.
Advice is a tricky thing. If you think advice is wonderful, consider how you react when you get it, especially the unsolicited kind. We are all better givers than receivers in this regard...
Years that end in nine.
What is it about years that end in the number nine? Why are they such a big deal? We get excited when the calendar clocks over to zero yet, realistically, it’s much ado about nothing. Whatever meaning we’ve assigned is absolutely arbitrary. The years we count are just a convenient construct and don’t actually measure anything in a significant or particularly relevant way. They’re not even globally consistent...
Leaving compulsion behind.
I’m compulsive at times. I have compulsive thoughts; I sometimes engage in compulsive actions. It’s a function of my anxiety and it’s been a problem for decades. The word “compulsive” echoes in my brain when I fall into the behaviour, not so much definitional or descriptive but accusatory and judgmental...
Depression eats energy.
Fatigue is one of four big problems that come with depression (the others are low mood, withdrawal, and concentration problems. Of course, there are problematic sub-categories as well). They all undeniably suck and the low mood can be a killer, literally, but the fatigue hits hard...
Do you want success?
Do you want success? Do I? You’d expect the answer to be “of course” but I’m not entirely sure. That’s not to say I don’t have fantasies of developing a following in the millions, winning an award (an Oscar would be nice, despite the fact that I’m not involved in the entertainment industry), or becoming very rich. But I do little in the way of pursuing actions that would support those outcomes. I’m not pushing for any of those things. I guess the answer to the question is, it depends. Whether or not I want it, and whether or not I feel I’ve achieved it depends on the definition you use...
