“i want to rip the sun from the sky. i want to silence the songbirds. i want to destroy the bits and pieces of happiness that are floating around outside. i want it dark and cold and rainy, so that everyone can share in the mood i woke up with today.” Continue reading rip the sun from the sky
“i lost another tooth this week, and by “lost” i mean the dentist took it out and threw it away. there was too much eating disorder damage to repair.” Continue reading harmful behaviours are trying to sneak in through the back door
“the wheels keep turning and life moves on. time passes whether you want it to or not. there’s no pause button and there are no time-outs. it doesn’t matter if you’re living well or poorly, if you’re struggling or things are fine, the sun rises and sets regardless.” Continue reading the wheel keeps turning
“i’ve let things and people who are not me define me. i’ve let it happen for a long time. i took other people’s expectations of me and made them my own. at least, i took on what i thought their expectations were. i didn’t practice listening to myself. i didn’t learn how to be who i am. i wasn’t even sure how to figure that out.” Continue reading who gets to define us, anyway?
“i have been what i call abstinent with my eating disorder for the last six months and by that i mean i have not thrown up. this is the longest i’ve gone without self-induced vomiting in twenty-seven years. there is a part of me that is amazed and grateful.” Continue reading abstinence does not make the thoughts grow kinder
“i’m stuck. i’m not falling backwards to any great degree but i’m not moving forward either. i’ve landed in this space i call “not too bad” and i’m terrified to push beyond it.” Continue reading stay small, stay safe
“people always say the hard times will pass. they tell you that the bad memories will fade. i can’t remember a time or a problem when someone didn’t offer up those expected words of wisdom: it will pass; time heals (if you let it); things change.” Continue reading it’ll pass
“i went to bed for two hours this afternoon because it was the only thing i could think of doing that would stop me from eating everything in the kitchen and then throwing up. the urge has been growing significantly this past week, infecting everything i do and everything i think.” Continue reading i want to relapse so bad i can taste it
“i have been hanging out at a seventy percent mood for some time now and i’m pretty okay with that. i don’t wake up and embrace life, but i also don’t wake up and curse it. i fantasize about driving my car into k-rails less often. i’m starting to run out of shower gel again.” Continue reading i’m having a temporary glitch
“what if you always had to think about elephants? what if no matter what, your thoughts always circled back to them? what if you thought about elephants when you got up, and when you got dressed? what if they came with you to work?” Continue reading elephants and exercise
