“i can’t” means something else entirely

““i can’t do it.” how often do people use that phrase? i’ve used it myself frequently. it was my go-to response when i thought about stopping my harmful behaviours. “i can’t do it. i can’t stop. it’s out of my control. i want to but i just can’t”.

“can’t” is an interesting word. often, our use of it isn’t technically accurate.” Continue reading “i can’t” means something else entirely

a little maudlin and over the top

” “it’s hard to fix it when you break into a million pieces. sometimes, i almost feel like the self i was ‘once upon a time’; other times, i feel like i’ll never be whole again.” i wrote this down on my notepad when i thought it; it felt deep. “once upon a time” is back before my breakdown; before my depression, anxiety, and other issues got the best of me and left me shattered.

            sometimes, when i have thoughts like these, it causes me distress. other times, i think wow, am i ever being maudlin and overly dramatic. yes, my breakdown was a big deal but i don’t need to keep it fresh. it’s okay to let it go. it’s okay to get better.” Continue reading a little maudlin and over the top

you can’t eat enough to quench a thirst

“we all have needs. we have wants too but those are different. it’s hard to believe they are sometimes, but it’s true, and the distinction is getting lost. my pocketbook pays the price of the incorrect labelling but it’s not wholly my fault. it’s hard to label our impulses correctly in this age of constant marketing.” Continue reading you can’t eat enough to quench a thirst

if i could change without changing, that’d be great

“i woke up this morning and it felt like i had not slept at all. the energy that rushes in as one wakes up to face the day was completely absent. all i felt was the drag of overwhelming fatigue and the mental distress that comes about when my depression decided to rise up and attack.” Continue reading if i could change without changing, that’d be great

choosing to stay the course for today

“it’s nine-thirty in the morning and i’ve been up for nearly five hours; i’m not doing sleep very well of late. too much in my head, too many thoughts, and most of them unpleasant. if i’d have been given the choice, i would definitely have rejected anxiety. it is fatiguing to deal with its constancy.” Continue reading choosing to stay the course for today