I’ve always had music. I’ve played piano since I was five, and I picked up a few more instruments along the way. I sing. I listen. I dance. I’m not sure how people don’t have music. I’m not sure how people don’t move to the music. I went to a show put on by The Chicks a few years back. The security guard in our … Continue reading I like to move it.
I don’t like doughnuts. I find them greasy and mostly unsatisfying. I wonder if I’d have developed an affection for them if I hadn’t developed an eating disorder. Foods like doughnuts are forbidden. They’re empty calories that will definitely make you fatter than you are. You eat a doughnut when you have an eating disorder, and your brain will lecture you about that personal failure … Continue reading Apple fritters for breakfast.
My life feels odd. I’m adrift mentally and emotionally. I’m still bleeding from a multiplicity of wounds received in rapid succession. Things have calmed enough now to feel and attend to them. My brain is also starting to calm. My thinking brain is turning back on. Things don’t go well for me when reactivity is driving the bus. I don’t have much in the way … Continue reading puttering.
*There are some references to suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts. Check your mental state before you continue.* I made my father feel awful the other day. To be fair, I’ve asked for space. Repeatedly. From more than one parent. I’ve even said, explicitly, that it’s because I get mean when I’m triggered like this. I’m thin-skinned, reactive, and aim the knife well. This would be … Continue reading The inside voices.