"i haven’t been sleeping well of late. it’s an occupational hazard when you have depression; insomnia likes to pop in for a visit from time to time. i head to bed early enough but stay awake ‘til after midnight and sleep fitfully, waking for the final time between four and five in the morning. those are ugly hours; almost nothing good happens then."
"anxiety shrinks my world. it pulls in tight and collapses on itself until there is no space or freedom for me anywhere. everything becomes small, and ritual becomes everything."
"my thoughts are quicksilver. they race around my brain in a frenzy of disparate ideas and impulses that fatigue me."
"every meal’s a challenge when you’re recovering from an eating disorder, but meals out come with their own unique problems. it would be nice if i could just abandon my drug of choice and give up on food entirely, but eating is a requirement for life, or so they tell me."
"so i’m fat today but not fat. i have incongruity. what i know to be true and what i feel are utterly at odds. it’s a disconcerting and uncomfortable feeling."
"i’ve started going to a new corner store – to call it a bodega might be stretching the definition some. it’s been a challenge; if you don’t suffer from anxiety, you might not realize what an enormously big deal a change like this is."
"i am having a problem with food and eating of late, in that i hate them both. this is a significant challenge when you consider that eating is one of the basic requirements for living."