Recovery, philosophy, mental health, things that interest me, and random poetry.
I can’t remember what it’s like to live without constantly and compulsively self-checking and measuring. It’s an aspect of eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder and I rang the bell on both of those. Non-eating disordered people do it as well, of course. But for them, mostly, it isn’t as frequent or as intensive, the …
Continue reading Change is a process; it's not "one and done".
I came across the phrase “radical discontinuity” in a reading recently. I like the words strung together that way. It sounds energetic. It sounds immediate. It sounds like change. It sounds like something I might want in my life. “Radical discontinuity” is an interesting concept. In my mind, the term “radical discontinuity” reflects a sharp break between the then and the now; a shift between yesterday and today brought about by decision or circumstance. It is a change that results in a dramatic evolution in behaviours...
It seemed like a good idea at the time. I’ve been looking at buying a car. It started with needing a new battery but I got sucked into test driving some newer, smaller, more fuel-efficient vehicles and the next thing you know I started thinking about how I needed a new car, how I deserved a new car, and how I could easily afford the payments. None of those things are true...
I want to be a real boy. Or girl, in this case. And for me, “real” means whole and cohesive and I’m not. It’s one of the things mental illness does. I’m working on getting it back...
Anticipation is the worst when you have anxiety. You never expect things to go well. You picture the worst, and the worst you fantasize about is always over-the-top....
I don’t like change and I work hard to avoid it. Except sometimes. Mostly, however, that’s a truism. I don’t change my schedule. I don’t go to new grocery stores, even when I could save money by doing so. I don’t buy gas at the store across the street from my bodega even when it’s cheaper because I’m not familiar with it. I don’t vary the route I take through the neighbourhood when I walk. I don’t welcome new people. I do the same things at the same time on the same days and rarely change. I keep the same doctors and dentists, even if they aren’t doing the best job. Change is difficult for me. It’s agitating and anxiety-provoking...
An interesting thing about the human heart is it can – and does – break more than once over the course of a life, for a variety of reasons. My son moved out today and I’m heartbroken...
