"...Sometimes I feel that way in recovery. Sometimes I feel as trapped as I was before I started doing all the things one needs to do to get better. Recovery, in a way, is proving almost as problematic as the mental illnesses I’m seeking relief from..."
"trigger warning – self harm I’m standing at a fork in the road and I’m paralyzed. It’s a pretty big fork, with plenty of places for me to play. I don’t play well with others a lot of the time so I’m here alone, which is unfortunate since the games I play when I’m by myself and feeling distressed generally involve some form of self-harm. This explains the half inch hole that I’ve dug in my chin that’s now infected..."
"i am having a problem with food and eating of late, in that i hate them both. this is a significant challenge when you consider that eating is one of the basic requirements for living."
"i’m not wearing my cheetah-print robe today and this is an unusual thing. i wear a robe or a jacket almost constantly; neither the weather nor the ambient temperature are part of the decision-making process. i don’t wear them to stay warm. i wear them as armour."
"there’s something that soothes when you sit by a lake, especially early in the morning, when the temperature has equalized causing the wind to drop off, and the water looks almost like glass, rippling gently as underwater streams flow. it’s a lovely slice of peace and quiet, available to me because even on vacation, i get up early."
"i get tired of all the navel-gazing i do, even if the part i’m analyzing is my brain and not my abdomen. which is not to say that i don’t spend a significant amount of time contemplating my abs..."
"i regularly choose to do things that are bad for me and i’m not alone in this tendency. it’s a uniquely human characteristic. you don’t see rabbits choosing to eat four doughnuts for breakfast, and my cat doesn’t consume her weight in diet soda every day while calling it hydration."