Monday mood – an off-the-cuff joint.

For the people in the back keeping score, it’s a new month. April showers bring May flowers, but April also brings the month of “be the change.” That’s my theme. Keep moving forward, let it go, seize the day, and be the change were the first four months of 2023.

It’s going okay, though I suspect “be the change” requires more than keyboard warrioring.

I got into an argument with a friend slash acquaintance last week. I was already testy since everyone but I was a half hour late. Because they decided to carpool. I would’ve refused but an ask would’ve been nice.

At any rate, they arrived and Stephanie immediately greeted me with “Hi Meesh.” I fricking hate that short version of Michelle. I’ve also told her that into the double digits. I was perhaps not as subtle this time, aided by my irritation over their lateness.

She was exceptionally surprised. She expressed shock – “you’ve told me this before?” I’m not interested in playing. Make an effort to remember.

Time to let go of clinging to memories.

I’m depressed. As in, my depression is acting up. I didn’t realize it because I’m not sad. One isn’t always with depression, one of the many reasons I dislike the name.

I’ve lived with major depressive disorder since I acquired double-digits. I come by it honestly enough – it lives in the maternal line. It can make things difficult.

I’m often laggard with the realization when sadness isn’t at the top of the symptom pile. But I’m apathetic. I’m short-tempered and quick with rage. I’m negative about almost everything. I get trapped in my head vis-a-vis dissociations and flashbacks.

I’m non-productive.

I start slacking off when it comes to taking care of things in my environment and myself.

It remains odd to me that I’m a laggard with the diagnosis. I’ve been through it often enough.

The only way out, however, is through, and doesn’t that just suck.

This has been sitting on my desktop for a bit. I love a good pun; a smile and chuckle are nice on a wet Monday morning.

10 thoughts on “Monday mood – an off-the-cuff joint.

  1. I’d be irritated too—it’s disrespectful being so late, and even more so to call you by a nickname you’ve informed her that you hate.

    Those are the same symptoms I had each month with PMS, and I’ve been fighting many of them through menopause too. They are no fun—I hope you get through it sooner rather than later!

    What is it with you and earworms lately?! 🤣🤣🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. It’s nice being validated. I start thinking I’m a rank bitch.

      Damn. It probably is related to menopause. I never considered it, though it shows up almost every month 😂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Write that date down. Next time she calls you that, pull out a notebook and show her. Petty? shrugs Like you said – people need to start paying attention and remembering things that are not all about them.

    Question in regards to your depression. How do you get through it? I know the answer isn’t linear, but I’m curious. Also – what’s the best way for people to treat you during this time (What would you like them to say or do? Or is there no reasoning at that time?)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I get through by getting through. It’s that simple and that hard. I try to do things that help me – more light, good nutrition, connection – but it’s a challenge. This is both the time I need people to reach out and the time I can’t ask. How awkward. But thank you for asking 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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