If “ought to” was easy.

Wouldn’t it be nice if “ought to” was easy? Wouldn’t it be cool if we defaulted to health and life-enhancing behaviours? There are people out there who do; I read about them and see their inspirational memes all the time. They are my goal; I would love it my default setting was life-affirming. Unfortunately, when things get tough for me, I tend to do two things: withdraw from the world, and engage in harmful behaviours. This is not a winning philosophy...

It’s hard to do slow.

I talk quickly. I trip over my tongue quite regularly to the amusement of my nearest and dearest. I interrupt – I’m working on it. There are so many things to say! I walk quickly. This is unfortunate considering my innate clumsiness. I’m often a mess of bruises. The clumsiness may be a function of my absent-mindedness. My thoughts are often not on what I’m doing. They’re turned inward instead, headed down dark and difficult paths. I think quickly at times and this can have unfortunate consequences. “Quick” in this case is not referring to a processing speed. It’s more of a racing thoughts kind of thing. I’ve found there’s a fine line between quick and driven; too often I’m on the wrong side of it...

I was “better” when I threw up.

I was thinking about uploading to Google Docs a draft of a book I wrote with an eye to asking someone to take a look at it. I know Google is an easy way to share documents. That is, I sort of know it. I’ve edited documents other people have posted and sent me invitations too, mostly works that I had published and needed to have a final look at. I’ve not, however, set up a document myself and I’m a bit nervous. It occurs to me that hesitation and trepidation are a big change to my historical behaviours...