"It seems to me that the difference between sane and crazy is just a matter of degree. So, I’m not crazy, per se, I’m just a little more unwell than the rank and file."
late night, stream of consciousness ramble
Tag: eating disorders
the only winning move is not to play
"Eating disorders involve “all or nothing” thinking and it’s a style that can be problematic. You’re either good or bad, succeeding or failing, winning or losing. Unfortunately, too often the inside voice comes down on the negative side of the scale."
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a hole in my chin and an existential crisis
"trigger warning – self harm I’m standing at a fork in the road and I’m paralyzed. It’s a pretty big fork, with plenty of places for me to play. I don’t play well with others a lot of the time so I’m here alone, which is unfortunate since the games I play when I’m by myself and feeling distressed generally involve some form of self-harm. This explains the half inch hole that I’ve dug in my chin that’s now infected..."
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if you have an external locus of control
"...part of me is afraid to let go of external judgments. if i don’t have them, how can i be sure that i’m okay?..."
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when your eating disorder co-opts your brain
"i think i want an afternoon snack. i think i might be hungry. it’s hard for me to tell. there’s a physical sense of emptiness in my stomach, a hollow rumbling, but i’m never totally convinced it means i should eat. i never quite believe my body when it tells me i’m hungry."
