“i want to rip the sun from the sky. i want to silence the songbirds. i want to destroy the bits and pieces of happiness that are floating around outside. i want it dark and cold and rainy, so that everyone can share in the mood i woke up with today.” Continue reading rip the sun from the sky
“i lost another tooth this week, and by “lost” i mean the dentist took it out and threw it away. there was too much eating disorder damage to repair.” Continue reading harmful behaviours are trying to sneak in through the back door
“i have been what i call abstinent with my eating disorder for the last six months and by that i mean i have not thrown up. this is the longest i’ve gone without self-induced vomiting in twenty-seven years. there is a part of me that is amazed and grateful.” Continue reading abstinence does not make the thoughts grow kinder
“people always say the hard times will pass. they tell you that the bad memories will fade. i can’t remember a time or a problem when someone didn’t offer up those expected words of wisdom: it will pass; time heals (if you let it); things change.” Continue reading it’ll pass
“what if you always had to think about elephants? what if no matter what, your thoughts always circled back to them? what if you thought about elephants when you got up, and when you got dressed? what if they came with you to work?” Continue reading elephants and exercise
“it feels like i have been searching for peace and contentment forever. i don’t look for happiness – if it comes, it comes – but simply ease. ease from the depression and anxiety that have plagued me for most of my life.” Continue reading is it truthful, kind, or necessary for healing
“there’s a poster taped to the mirror on my bedroom dresser that lists ten steps to take if your depression is acting up; things you can do to help fight the beast. number one is “are you hydrated?”… is water really such a curative? why were our ancestors so much better at getting enough? part of it is marketing, i’m sure. Continue reading hydration is an annoyingly universal fix
the behavioural impulses associated with my mental illnesses are at best, ones i’ll ultimately regret, and at worst, ones that are harmful. i fight against the negative urges, hate myself for having them, and give in more than i’d like but i don’t think about them at a level above stubborn resistance very often. why is it so hard to separate ourselves from behaviours that … Continue reading the problem with easy
“i write about self-care a lot and think about it even more but my execution of the same is still intermittent and challenging, which i suppose is why it remains on my mind.” Continue reading it’s not selfish, it’s not, it’s not.
“it’s challenging when it feels like your brain is out of your control; when it persists in thinking thoughts you’d rather it didn’t…i have spent a significant quantity of time ranting and raving over my inability to shut down my brain and to deny these thoughts life. no matter the internal or external volume, repeatedly berating myself didn’t work. something new was needed…” Continue reading let the thoughts go
