Life is a series of lessons. What’s important is what we learn. Good things teach us but so do the bad times. Often, however, we learn the wrong lessons...
The lessons we learn.
Tag: eating disorders
I want to be a real boy (girl, actually).
I want to be a real boy. Or girl, in this case. And for me, “real” means whole and cohesive and I’m not. It’s one of the things mental illness does. I’m working on getting it back...
Eating quirks, normalcy, and acceptance.
I’ve been gaining weight. I’ve mentioned it here before. I hate it. I’ve mentioned that too. I’m trying to learn to accept it. To be, at my counsellor’s behest, political about my body the way I am about other things. Social justice things. It’s time to start developing a sense of personal justice. It’s time to fight back against the nasty bits and pieces that drove me to develop a disorder that focuses on having the perfect body in order to feel acceptable...
Everything smells like smoke.
Anticipation is the worst when you have anxiety. You never expect things to go well. You picture the worst, and the worst you fantasize about is always over-the-top....
You have to eat, even when you’re afraid.
Sometimes, I think if I take off the reins, the urge to eat will take over my world. I know where it comes from and what drives it, this feeling that I can’t ever consume enough. This feeling that if I start, I’ll never stop. It’s from the eating disorder, from a lifetime of restriction and deprivation. You can’t undo what’s been done. I can’t go back in time and eat the food now I didn’t eat then. But I worry that without the restrictions I still have in place, I’ll try...
