recovery and growth, things that interest me, occasional deep-thoughts, and semi-regular poetry
"For me, the fall into depression is not a smooth ride down a slide. Instead, it’s like tumbling down a long staircase with the concomitant bumps and bruises one would expect from such a fall, with brief stops at landings prior to reaching the bottom – except, of course, you never reach the bottom. The pit is infinitely deep, and the stairs go on forever..."
"I want to be stalwart. It seems like a good quality to have. I’ve got the fiercely loyal part down. If we’re friends, I’m team you all the way, at least in my thoughts. Out in the world, it’s sometimes different..."
"...Sometimes I feel that way in recovery. Sometimes I feel as trapped as I was before I started doing all the things one needs to do to get better. Recovery, in a way, is proving almost as problematic as the mental illnesses I’m seeking relief from..."
"I woke up for the third time after a night of fractured and difficult sleep and decided it was time to get up. Five minutes past six but my sleep had been miserable since two in the morning, partly because of the internal kerfuffle created by daylight savings time and partly because I forgot to wear my blue-filter glasses while playing on my phone last night..."
"trigger warning – self harm I’m standing at a fork in the road and I’m paralyzed. It’s a pretty big fork, with plenty of places for me to play. I don’t play well with others a lot of the time so I’m here alone, which is unfortunate since the games I play when I’m by myself and feeling distressed generally involve some form of self-harm. This explains the half inch hole that I’ve dug in my chin that’s now infected..."
