"i am having a problem with food and eating of late, in that i hate them both. this is a significant challenge when you consider that eating is one of the basic requirements for living."
Tag: depression
i used to have poetry
"i used to have poetry, before my mind broke, shattering into some hundred-million glittering shards, and when it fractured, i think the words went with it.
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attempting suicide fundamentally changes you
"i’ve tried to kill myself three times, most recently in november of 2014. it is a bizarre thing to able to write that about yourself. it’s a strange thing to know about yourself, to know that you are capable of taking such drastic action. there was a point in my life, long past now..."
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explaining mountains to a fish
"sometimes having a mental illness feels like you’re surrounded by a wall. the wall serves several purposes: it keeps people out and away and keeps me safe, but it also keeps me trapped, tethered to the depression and anxiety that can make daily living so hard."
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reading for the sheer pleasure of it
"i read stephen king’s “the stand” last weekend and it was fantastic. i enjoyed reading it immensely. i’m sure there are critics who disliked the book, and people who won’t hesitate to point out the flaws, and i will admit that at times his level of description is over the top, but at the end of the day the book did what a novel is supposed to do. it entertained me. it pulled me into the story and let me live in a different world for a while."
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a little maudlin and over the top
" “it’s hard to fix it when you break into a million pieces. sometimes, i almost feel like the self i was ‘once upon a time’; other times, i feel like i’ll never be whole again.” i wrote this down on my notepad when i thought it; it felt deep. “once upon a time” is back before my breakdown; before my depression, anxiety, and other issues got the best of me and left me shattered. sometimes, when i have thoughts like these, it causes me distress. other times, i think wow, am i ever being maudlin and overly dramatic. yes, my breakdown was a big deal but i don’t need to keep it fresh. it’s okay to let it go. it’s okay to get better."
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if i could change without changing, that’d be great
"i woke up this morning and it felt like i had not slept at all. the energy that rushes in as one wakes up to face the day was completely absent. all i felt was the drag of overwhelming fatigue and the mental distress that comes about when my depression decided to rise up and attack."
