I have good instincts when it comes to people. Would that I had listened to them for much of my life.

I think my good instincts are partly due to being neurodivergent. I’m HSP – a highly sensitive person. We take in a lot of information from the world around us. It’s less useful than you might imagine, especially if you don’t lean towards manipulations.

It can also be a bit of a curse when married to a quick temper – I’m pretty adept at the killing blow. I don’t like that about myself, so I prefer to avoid conflict where possible.

Lots of input also gets tiring, thanks for asking. It’s fairly easy for me to get overwhelmed in large groups – much data is incoming, and I don’t seem to be all that good at closing the gates – but even one-on-one can overwhelm if the emotions are heavy. I suppose that’s why I enjoy partaking of wine or some other numbing agent when being social – imbibing slows the information flow.

The main problem I have with my instincts is that I ignore them too often. I was especially wont to disregard inner warnings and icky feelings if I thought speaking or acting might cause another person to feel hurt or rejected. Sure, I might be forcing myself to endure jerkishness and misery, but at least I won’t make someone feel bad about their infringing and inappropriate behaviour.

Isn’t it funny how we get so concerned about the feelings of those who are in the wrong?

People push against our boundaries in ways great and small: it’s often the small that particularly irk. For instance, I loathe the people who stand too close to me in queues. The grocery line isn’t going to go faster for you bumping the cart against my legs, nor will I finish my transaction faster with you warming my neck with your breath.

I got better at attending to my instincts when I got better at boundaries. Boundaries are the Frank’s Red Hot of mental health – you put them on everything to good effect. It works surprisingly well when you turn to the person behind you in line and ask them to step back. It works surprisingly well when you say you won’t finalize the transaction until the infringer steps back to where they can no longer observe the touchscreen.

I let the occasional sotto vocce “bitch” go.

I worried that I’d feel bad about standing up and speaking up, but it’s proven to be the opposite. I feel good when I stand my ground. I also no longer spend hours ruminating over what I could’ve done.

It got easier to follow my instincts when I started to recognize that I could include myself in the list of people who deserve care and concern. It got easier when I started trusting myself. How odd that the latter isn’t automatic.

Boundaries help us prioritize ourselves. It’s okay to do that, you know, to put yourself first every now and then. I didn’t realize it was fine to have rules and limits for how people treat us for a very long time. I prioritized others over my instincts to ill effect.

If I stumbled across a genie who granted me only one wish, I think I would have them share that. Boundaries are for everyone, and they’re a good thing.

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