I’m a cow. I’m not saying I’m fat – the illness that came on a few weeks back has put any thoughts of surplus flesh to rest. I haven’t been this continuously nauseous since pregnancy and my son is in his twenties. I’m a cow because I ruminate. I obsess over the thoughts that pop into my head without so much as a by-you-leave. They’re … Continue reading Don’t stay tethered to a past that’s gone.
I’m wearing pants today. This is a big win – I haven’t worn pants in a long time. This isn’t to say I walk around in only skirts, or naked from the waist down. But pants, or rather tailored trousers, are a challenge. Historically, I only wear oversized or covered-up. [i] I have four pairs of baggy track pants that make up the majority of … Continue reading Clothing and eating disorders – it’s complicated.
Abstinence isn’t recovery, but you can’t have recovery without abstinence. Just another one of life’s bureaucratic annoyances. If you spend time in treatment for addiction in one of its various forms, you’ll encounter the term “dry drunk.” That phrase describes someone who isn’t acting on their addiction, but who also isn’t recovering. They’re white-knuckling their way through and because of that, they’ll stumble. [i] You … Continue reading Abstinence isn’t recovery and other annoying truths.
I appear to be a pain collector. I saw a meme describing humans that way once – organic pain collectors – and the idea stuck. It’s like the description of us as “ugly bags of mostly water.” It’s on point. (ST:TNG) Part of the problem is that I lack walls once I let someone in my life. I grew up without understanding boundaries. It was … Continue reading Relationships and pain.