When I split from my son’s father, the lawyer gave me a piece of advice. Not unsolicited – I’d asked him how long it would take before I felt better. He told me that in his experience. it took about half the time of the relationship to pass before people felt fully disconnected from it. This didn’t mean that I didn’t move on. But damned if he wasn’t right – it took about four years for my feelings to shift from still-reactive to neutral.
I’ve come to believe that timescale is also true with some mental illnesses. I’ve come to believe that it’s true about my eating disorder recovery. For what is an eating disorder if not a (abusive) relationship?
My recovery gets stronger every day, but I think I won’t feel really there until I’ve invested about half the time I invested in being actively sick. So about 18 years. Four down, fourteen to go. Which sounds depressing, but I’ve got nothing else to do.
Time passes, sick or well.
I’ve also come to realize that wholesale recovery is not going to be true for my depression, PTSD, or other issues. Those are chronic; it’s less about recovery and more about the management with those.
It’s a frustration, living with mental illness. Not just because mental illness is challenging, but because you’re too often treated like less than or a burden.
“You’re depressed again?”
In “I Wish Mental Illness Was Like a Broken Leg,” Hope Whispers describes these challenges beautifully.
From Famine to Feast. 
Hope goes well.Anita
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Thanks for this. It is a mesage that needs to keep getting put out there.
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It really does. Thanks for reading.
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I’ve heard about the ‘half-the-time’ rule, too. I wonder where people get that idea. I feel like most people I know get over relationships much faster than that. I, on the other hand, remember being in a very long-term relationship and was petrified of having to go through ‘half-the-time.’ I didn’t feel like I was anywhere near getting over it. We ended up reconnecting after some time…
It sounds like your recovery is similar – it just sticks around… I think it just goes to show how invested we are in what we do. Glad you got out of that ‘relationship’ and continue to fight against it every day.
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I like looking at my recovery that way, as something I’m invested in. Thanks for that bit of insight.
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Yeah, because they would be no hiding or ignoring it.
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This is one instance where time constantly speeding up as we age comes in handy. By my ballpark calculations, it’ll only feel like 9 years; therefore, you’re already halfway there! 😉
Seriously though, don’t focus on how far you have left to go, look back and see just how far you’ve come. It’s TREMENDOUS.
Also, take heart—even if it does take 14 more years, it will continually lessen and get easier as more time passes. You’ve got this!
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It’s true. Once we’re over the hill life picks up speed.
Thanks ☺️
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Always keeping an eye out for the silver lining! 😉
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Absolutely
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Thank you for your post. Many of us worry about things we can not control or we are limited in what we can do. I hope find encouragement just as I have in the following passage… Matthew 6:34 So never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Each day has enough of its own troubles.
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Thank you for reading and commenting. I’m glad you have something that speaks to your heart.
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