WordPress is one of the few places I can be fully me. It’s an odd, being somewhat anonymous while also being, if you choose, incredibly open. Or, at least, more open than is my nature in the real world.
It makes me happy to be here, to read what other people write, to pop in on people sharing similar stories and struggles. In the early days of my eating disorder, I clung to the special snowflake label that it encourages to keep sufferers isolated. My first inpatient treatment stay shone the light on that lie. It’s a popular one, it rides shotgun with most mental illnesses.
It’s understandable – they don’t want to be banished. Who does?
But, I digress.
I’m so thrilled and grateful when WordPress tells me someone has chosen to follow my account. Someone likes me enough to stay in touch? It’s a gift. It’s joy.
It feels a little bit like responsibility as well, but I don’t mind that. I think gravitas is missing from some areas of life where it’s needed. (I’m psyched that I got to use the word “gravitas.” That almost never happens.)
Then this happened:
“Thrilled” is not a big enough word to describe the feelings I had after reading that my site had reached fifty-thousand views. That’s a big number. That’s one of the numbers I’d like to see on my lottery ticket result printout. “Mind-blown” is perhaps more accurate. And so grateful. So very full of love. It makes me wish I’d done a better job of editing my early works. It makes me wish I could still afford Grammarly (it’s interesting: I don’t feel comfortable adding to my credit card debt with Grammarly, but I didn’t much hesitate yesterday over the cute new earing I absolutely didn’t need).
To keep the happy going, I’m playing it loud this morning. That doesn’t differ much from normal mornings if I’m being honest – I like the walls shaking. But maybe you’ll like some of this Saturday’s tunes? And my apologies if any offend.
I love playlists. They let you keep your music organized, and organization makes me happy. I keep the music that’s in heavy rotation in a playlist called, aptly enough, “current rotation” (I renamed it from the previous “Stuff I listen to now”).
However, if Spotify was albums, these songs would be wearing out my needles.
(header credit: The San Diego Union Tribune)