So much gratitude.

WordPress is one of the few places I can be fully me. It’s an odd, being somewhat anonymous while also being, if you choose, incredibly open. Or, at least, more open than is my nature in the real world.

It makes me happy to be here, to read what other people write, to pop in on people sharing similar stories and struggles. In the early days of my eating disorder, I clung to the special snowflake label that it encourages to keep sufferers isolated. My first inpatient treatment stay shone the light on that lie. It’s a popular one, it rides shotgun with most mental illnesses.

It’s understandable – they don’t want to be banished. Who does?

But, I digress.

I’m so thrilled and grateful when WordPress tells me someone has chosen to follow my account. Someone likes me enough to stay in touch? It’s a gift. It’s joy.

It feels a little bit like responsibility as well, but I don’t mind that. I think gravitas is missing from some areas of life where it’s needed. (I’m psyched that I got to use the word “gravitas.” That almost never happens.)

Then this happened:

Thank you

“Thrilled” is not a big enough word to describe the feelings I had after reading that my site had reached fifty-thousand views. That’s a big number. That’s one of the numbers I’d like to see on my lottery ticket result printout. “Mind-blown” is perhaps more accurate. And so grateful. So very full of love. It makes me wish I’d done a better job of editing my early works. It makes me wish I could still afford Grammarly (it’s interesting: I don’t feel comfortable adding to my credit card debt with Grammarly, but I didn’t much hesitate yesterday over the cute new earing I absolutely didn’t need).

Michael Hill, sterling silver Euroball earings

To keep the happy going, I’m playing it loud this morning. That doesn’t differ much from normal mornings if I’m being honest – I like the walls shaking. But maybe you’ll like some of this Saturday’s tunes? And my apologies if any offend.

Shake the roof.

I love playlists. They let you keep your music organized, and organization makes me happy. I keep the music that’s in heavy rotation in a playlist called, aptly enough, “current rotation” (I renamed it from the previous “Stuff I listen to now”).

However, if Spotify was albums, these songs would be wearing out my needles.

The lyrics on this one are the best, especially these lines: “Your point of view, got it all backwards
You should take your little finger and just point it in the mirror
Baby, maybe you’re the problem.”
I’m not sure what about this I love. Maybe it’s the “holding people to account” vibe. Plus, another good one for car karoke.
My son is a musician. He writes and plays all the instruments, though this one isn’t instrument-heavy.
It’s always a good idea to have something fierce in your rotation. Head-banging cures a lot of ills.

(header credit: The San Diego Union Tribune)

17 thoughts on “So much gratitude.

  1. “Head-banging cures a lot of ills.” Hell yea!
    Some good songs there, and your son’s track is intriguing. It has a soothing vibe to it, but it also is sort of electric. (Pardon my less than clear/limited words. I’m not a music critic, obviously.)

    This post made me smile. I’m so happy that you are enjoying this place and that it helps you be you and heal. I think it’s wonderful.

    It’s no wonder you have so many views. I can relate to so much of what you write and yet I never struggled with an eating disorder (which seems (seemed?) to be the main focus to this page), so I can only imagine how helpful it is to people that are on a similar path to yours in recovery. Keep it up!

    WordPress is my favorite place online, too. (Not that there I have many to choose from.) However, I don’t feel like I can be completely myself. I tried that and it didn’t go well. But, it’s OK, because my blog was intended for purpose A and B and not Z.

    P.S. I’ve been blasting my music this morning, too!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yay. I hope you blasted it all day long. I spent four hours shopping with my parents, so now there is going to be drinking 😉

      The eating disorder is neither seems nor seemed. Some things seem well on the way to recovery, other things are more of a challenge. The overall trajectory, however, remains good.

      I think Twitter is people being their real selves if everyone was on cocaine (I’m basing this on movies – I’ve never partaking. I just know I can be a little dialed up.)

      I know what you mean about my son’s song. The music is soothing. The words sometimes, though…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love all this gratitude – and the cute earrings – and the way you worked in gravitas. What a fun post! And I resonate with your appreciation of being able to be open on this platform. What a gift!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Congratulations, Ms. Michelle! 50,000 views is incredible (and you absolutely deserve that type of recognition)!

    I would also like to thank you for the playlist. I listened to all of them, and really liked “Maybe You’re the Problem”. I added it to my “Morning Drive” playlist, which also functions as my workout — kick ass, you can do this, Girl — playlist. I love being introduced to new music! And I too, love to thrash to some metal when necessary! 😂

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Yaaas, Girl! I love to play my music loud and dance when no one’s watching. (Not like no one’s watching, but when no one’s watching; because I’m definitely a bit of a spaz on the dance floor. LOL!) 😂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Congratulations 🎊
    I understand. For me WordPress is the place where I just feel relaxed and calm. Being a shy person, I’ve found the way to express my thoughts and emotions through blogging here. People here are so supportive.

    I’m happy for you. Enjoy! ❤️😀

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi! How are you doing today? 1st, I’m binge reading your posts. 2nd, I feel the exact way about WordPress! 3rd, congratulations 🎉 I’m so happy for you!

    Liked by 1 person

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