What do you call a writer who doesn’t write? In my case, you could call her a gardener. Except, I don’t do much gardening either. Bits and pieces here and there, which is most of my life these days. A bit of this, a bit of that. It’s not that I can’t stay on task – a common enough problem when my neuroses are acting up, so I forgive the assumption – it’s that I can’t decide on the tasks that need doing.
Pain is killing my ability to focus.
I’d go to the hospital, but I still feel that would be taking more than my fair share of air. I struggle to accept that my chronic deserves help. This is not aided by my GPs half-hearted efforts and mistakes. Were I a different kind of person, he’d be facing reprimands and lawsuits. Lucky for him, I like him as a human and hate to rock the boat. And what’s an incorrect medical test between friends?
So what if he thinks my legs collapsing out from under me is a feature of menopause?
I miss sleep. I miss not loading myself up on pain killers. Kind of. My neuroses enjoy the semi-sedation. What’s a little mood-altering between friends? I miss being interested in things other than my pain. I thought an eating disorder made me selfish: pain that rarely ends keeps you focused on yourself to an embarrassing degree, despite my efforts to attend to something else.
Pain and shame. Not the best game in the world.
I apologized to the cat about it this morning: like everyone else, she’s not been getting my best. It’s hard to care when the days turn into weeks turn into months and you still can’t sit or stand or lie down without twinges of misery (it’s a good thing I’m writing this in WordPress proper: Grammarly would’ve loathed that last sentence. I don’t think she’s down with verbal creativity).
On the bright side, I’m increasingly motivated to see what other people suggest. Someone has to have the fix. God helps those who help themselves, after all. Luckily and tragically, there are infinite articles about chronic pain.
The attached piece focuses on hip and pelvis pain. The suggested relief-providing actions are mostly excellent, though I bought myself a new mattress set only a couple of years back, so for me, replacing your mattress is a skip. I’d add “hot pad” to the list – it gives me definite relief on the achy bits. Cold will help too, especially with swelling, but I don’t like snuggling up to ice packs at bedtime.
“Seven ways to relieve hip pain at night,” by When Women Inspire.
Seven ways to potentially relieve hip pain at night, including doing gentle stretching, and common causes for the discomfort.
7 ways to relieve hip pain at night — When Women Inspire
From Famine to Feast. 
It’s too bad there are so many shit GPs making things difficult for people. I’m very grateful for meds that make me sleep. I currently have multiple spots of guinea pig pee on my bedding, so maybe today I’ll do something about that. Hell, might as well do something about it right now.
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That made me giggle. Ah, pets. Love and cleaning up, much like kids.
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Maybe you can ask VJ of One Woman’s Quest: https://vjknutson.org/
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I have to comment. my heart goes out to you, fellow sufferer of “chronic pain without narcotics.” MS pain is constant and burns. neuropathy and nerve pain rage through my CNS, all the time. and all I can do is receive a biannual infusion of Ocrevus, and pray for some relief. Neurontin helps with the neuropathy, and I’m maxed out on that…
so how are we supposed to focus, all of our dendrites screaming all the time?? I have trouble writing complete sentences, when the pain is particularly INHUMAN. Focussing is impossible. I’m with you. know that you’re not alone! that doesn’t help your pain, I know. I just had to respond anyway. thinking of you!
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Ditto on the “I’m sorry.” It’s such a weird reality. I try for grace but I suspect it often comes across as vicious and bitchy. Especially towards the end of the day.
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These are lovely. “Finding Home” was gorgeous. Thank you.
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I sighed when I saw this post. So very timely for me.
I’ve been struggling with pain lately myself. Especially at night. If you know anything about me, you are aware that I love to sleep. (I can’t sleep when I’m hungry, but other than that, sleep is always my priority.) If I can’t sleep… you don’t want to be in my path. So I get up exhausted and “go” to work. We’re short-staffed right now so on top of my usual duties, I also have those of other people. Fun! All I want to do is write and read and I have no time for either, really. If I don’t sleep, my creativity stays hidden, which doesn’t help, either. I try to stay away from meds but decided to give in. The pain medication seems to have some side effects that I don’t enjoy and… it doesn’t help with the pain at all. The muscle relaxant does not relax my muscles. Yes, I want to rage and scream… But that’s enough of self-pity. Sorry for highjacking your post. I guess, what I’m trying to say is that I feel for you. (And yes, I am considering getting a new mattress because it did help last time I had back pain issues. Or maybe it was Pilates that helped back then…)
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I’m sorry. No sleep is an absolute misery. The worst part about being a grown up is how, when you’re hurt and tired, and work sucks, and everything is hard, and all you want is a cry and a cuddle, you’re still expected to suck it up and get on with things. I think all grown ups need way more sympathy. And hot pads, which I’ve also discovered are my sore muscle happy place.
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Ah yes. I did think about hot pads…
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