Man plans and God laughs. Isn’t that how it goes? And yet, despite knowing the truth of those words, the random zigs and zags of life continue to surprise me.
I’m currently computer-free. This wasn’t a choice, like my decision to bail on social media for a spell.
“Spell” is such a nice, nostalgic word.
I’d still have my HP on my desk if it hadn’t started beeping a frantic code on start up: I worried an explosion was imminent
It’s currently visiting a nice farm upstate.
Kidding. It’s in the shop. I’d be stressed if I didn’t regularly back up my files. I was feeling quite smug until I priced new computers.
Sticker shock, untethered from routine, almost no sleep, and constant pain. And, the blackberry bush I was decapitating yesterday fought back so now the people at the grocery store will wonder who whipped me across the face. It’s been a week and a month and a season.
But I haven’t thrown up. I seem to have, cross fingers and knock on wood, at last given that up. More than a year now since I vomited in a voluntary way. I feel pretty good about that, considering I’ve had some hits I could’ve used to justify backsliding.
It’s interesting observing the ways in which I’m changing There’s still self-hatred, for instance, but it’s more distant, a habit I only half attend to now I’ve got other stuff in the priority position.
Like the near constant dissociation. I think it’s an attempt to evade the pain. Drugs aren’t helping all that much. And, whatever works, right?
Except the drifting upsets me. Sometimes, I’m more fixed to my now and reality. It’s looser these days and that feels a little weird.
And upsetting. And ridiculous.
One thing at a time.
What are some interesting coping methods you’ve come up with for problems/challenges?
Do you believe in fate, free will, or a mix?