Eating disorders disconnect you from your body, which is odd; ostensibly, that’s what they’re about. But they’re not about the body as a whole. They’re not about how it works. They’re not about functionality or strength. They’re about how the body looks and often, they’re about how it looks piecemeal… Continue reading A schism between mind and body – BDD
Step one is sobriety. It doesn’t really matter what you’re recovering from. That’s the first step. Sober thoughts and sober acts.
Walk the sober walk.
Getting sober is hard. It doesn’t matter what your drug of choice is. Alcohol, pills, food, whatever. It’s hard to step away from the substance you abuse, even though, by the time you decide to do so, you’ve recognized that it’s harming you.
Even though by the time you’re ready to step away, you’ve already moved to hell and have taken up residence there…
Continue reading Stages of recovery
Things sink in at the damndest times.
Thoughts I’ve had for years but haven’t felt in my bones percolate under the surface and then for no apparent reason, pop into my consciousness, but with depth and gut-deep understanding attached. They become more than words I say because I’m supposed to believe them even though large chunks of me don’t.
I love “ah-ha” moments. That point in time when you finally get it…
Continue reading When we’re dying.
I binged and purged last night. It was the fat thoughts. I’ve gained about ten pounds and the weight that is supposed to help me is killing me, or at least that’s what it feels like. Thinner, thinner, thinner is all I think about now. Diet hard, exercise. Forget quitting smoking, forget friends and family. Forget writing, forget recovery, forget life. Forget everything but getting thin, back to bones… Continue reading An Eating Disorder Journal entry.
From Famine to Feast 