I was “better” when I threw up.

I was thinking about uploading to Google Docs a draft of a book I wrote with an eye to asking someone to take a look at it. I know Google is an easy way to share documents. That is, I sort of know it. I’ve edited documents other people have posted and sent me invitations too, mostly works that I had published and needed to have a final look at. I’ve not, however, set up a document myself and I’m a bit nervous. It occurs to me that hesitation and trepidation are a big change to my historical behaviours...

Frightened of fear.

I’m frightened of fear. I’m terrified of being afraid. Fear is one of the big eating disorder drivers. Fear of getting fat. Fear of being insufficient. Fear of not being enough. Fear of failing at my eating disorder and feeling all those fears. Fears that were unexamined and unrealistic...

Is it selfish?

People like to call you selfish when you aren’t doing what they want. It causes a conundrum. You need to think of yourself, to take care of yourself, but when does doing so cross the line into selfishness? When do you get to put yourself first? It’s a question I’ve been struggling with...

A rise in escapism.

Three hundred hours of video are upload to YouTube every minute, and 317,000 status updates are posted on Facebook. Netflix users spent one hundred and forty million hours a day watching content. Hulu and other streaming services are growing. Social media platforms are expanding. We’re all looking at the screens, all captivated by images and posts and tweets and pictures of baby animals. Time becomes meaningless. Planned minutes on the TV or computer or phone become hours. We never look up. We rarely look away. What then, are we missing? What don’t we see?...

Happily Ever After.

I’m a sucker for a book with a happy ending. I prefer it when things work out the way they’re supposed to, and by supposed to I mean the main character gets what they want and all problems and challenges are resolved. You just know life goes on for the characters in a happy and uncomplicated way after the last page is turned. I know that it’s fantasy; I don’t care. I like the way I feel when everything turns out all right...