An Eating Disorder Journal entry.

I binged and purged last night. It was the fat thoughts. I’ve gained about ten pounds and the weight that is supposed to help me is killing me, or at least that’s what it feels like. Thinner, thinner, thinner is all I think about now. Diet hard, exercise. Forget quitting smoking, forget friends and family. Forget writing, forget recovery, forget life. Forget everything but getting thin, back to bones...

Say “I love you” to yourself.

I recently started rereading The Art of Extreme Self-care by Cheryl Richardson. I originally bought it a couple of years ago. I read it cover to cover, took notes, highlighted various passages, and implemented nothing. Change is hard and positive change can be particularly challenging to implement. We cling to our default settings with our dying grasp, even when they’re doing us harm...

You have the right to remain silent.

You have the right to remain silent. It’s hard to remember that sometimes. The right to remain silent applies to a variety of situations. Our opinions are not always needed. Our thoughts are not always wanted. They’re often inappropriate and sometimes, they reach the level of vaguely vicious. Too often, in our rush to comment and share our thoughts, politeness and consideration drift away, replaced by judgment and intolerance...

Take up space.

I hate it when I’m standing at the cash register, having finished the transaction and the cashier hands me the receipt. The process of folding up the paper and putting it in my wallet seems to take forever and my anxiety rises. I don’t want to try and jam it in my wallet as I walk away, juggling my purchases, but I imagine I can feel the impatience of the cashier and the people behind me in line as I take five seconds for myself. I feel so apologetic, like I’m committing a heinous act. How dare I take the time to finish my transaction when it so obviously and egregiously impacts others? How can I justify wasting their time?...