Laughter comes in various shapes and sizes, and not all of them are benign. There’s a big difference between laughing with and laughing at someone.

I’ve never been very fond of the latter, not in real life, not in television, and not in film. Laughing at is mostly about punching down and the cheap shot, and mostly, I’m not that keen.

This is unfortunate: it’s a popular genre enjoyed by many, and my not liking it limits what I’m willing to watch. I’m also not sure that, in the long run, stupid and nasty humour will prove to have been a good thing.

There is the schadenfreude exemption when it comes to laughing at, schadenfreude being the pleasure one derives from another’s misfortune. The exemption stands only if the laughter is directed at those who deserve it. The joy one feels when watching a bully who is chasing a smaller child slip and fall in the mud, for instance, is perfectly fine. No guilt is needed at all.

Sarcasm, deadpan, and British humour

My favourite humour tends to the dry and subtle, as opposed to the broad and obvious. My favourite types of humour are sarcasm, deadpan, and British – though some say those are the same. I like the funny aside and the witty bon mot. I like clever retorts and witty repartee.

I like “Yes, Minister” and “Jeeves and Wooster” and the stand-up of clever people with lessons to teach via stories they tell, like George Carlin and Iliza Shlesinger.

I like Steven Wright, and Monty Python, and “Airplane.”

I like “Stranger Things” and “Sherlock.”

Nothing amused me more than a good Julia Sugarbaker rant on “Designing Women” back in the day. But are any of these really “laugh out loud?” Mostly no. Most of the time, the get a smile and a chuckle. A chortle if the joke strikes particularly true.

What makes me laugh

I laugh when the hummingbirds charge at me chattering away as I change an empty feeder for a full one.

I laugh when the wind gusts up and blows me about, or when the skies unexpectedly open up and I get rained on.

Babies make me laugh. Toddlers make me laugh.

Kid jokes make me laugh.

Q: what’s green and fuzzy, and would hurt you if it fell out of a tree onto your head?

A: a pool table

my son, age six

I laugh with the gentle. I laugh when it’s related to the sweet or the kind.

I laugh when I spend time with the people I love.

We should perhaps be forgiven for thinking we could be happier and laugh more. We tend to believe that those are our default and desired states. But we’re full of emotions and states of being, and laughter and happiness are just a small piece of that reality.

Though baby giggles are good too.

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