50 things I’ve learned in my first fifty years.

I’m turning fifty this week – thank you – and it occurs to me that I’ve acquired some knowledge and insight in that time. I thought it might be interesting to sit with myself and figure out what some of that is. As you travel through life, you pick up interesting bits and pieces of information and form ideas about this, that, and the other. In the interest of symmetry, I decided to share fifty of mine. Some are deep, and some less so. So, in no particular order, because I’m simply writing things down as they occur to me, I present my list (which, now that I’m finished is very long, so apologies for that):...

Staying small doesn’t keep you safe.

I went on vacation this past week and it was lovely. This is the second time I’ve tried to vacation this year and this time it went well; in part I think because I wasn’t alone. My mother took me away to a spa for four days to celebrate my upcoming milestone birthday – I will be turning fifty next week. It was a glorious experience despite the challenges...

Stages of recovery

Step one is sobriety. It doesn’t really matter what you’re recovering from. That’s the first step. Sober thoughts and sober acts. Walk the sober walk. Getting sober is hard. It doesn’t matter what your drug of choice is. Alcohol, pills, food, whatever. It’s hard to step away from the substance you abuse, even though, by the time you decide to do so, you’ve recognized that it’s harming you. Even though by the time you’re ready to step away, you’ve already moved to hell and have taken up residence there...

I wish I didn’t care so much.

I wish I didn’t care about anything but myself. It would make life a lot easier to navigate. I bet people who truly don’t care don’t suffer from mood disorders. I care about so many things I even anthropomorphize. I get guilt if I don’t rescue a worm from the sidewalk. What if it’s scared or frightened? I worry if I don’t acknowledge both of the stuffed animals that sit on my desk; I’m afraid if I pet only one, the other’s feelings will be hurt...