I didn’t love much about this past week – my cat is sick, and she’s not being super agreeable about medication. It’s a worry. She’ll be thirteen this May, and I’ve had her since she was about six weeks old – a rescue from the feed mill I worked out.

She’s got a urinary tract infection. She’s got antibiotics, and I’m administering them, but there’s no improvement yet. If anything, she’s worse. She spends most of her time hiding under the bed on a blanket. I don’t like her reactions – they’re a worry.

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My son is a musician, and he released a new album in March 2024. I have a favourite. It’s called “Carnage.” His musical leanings are a bit dark at times. Family trait. He’s also done a cover of “Hide and Seek” on the album, which is brilliant.

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So much in life is tidal, ebbing and flowing. Groceries come in, garbage goes out. Children come in, adults go out. Memes come in, memes go out.

Memes have constancy – tidal and unchanging – unless you have Paint or some other editing program. The meme about crayons from yesterday is the meme about crayons from 2010.

Still, one must keep on top of the downloads lest one get overrun. Just kidding – the issue is in my brain. They’re not significantly impacting computer storage. And saving them isn’t about the having and holding of them anyway. It’s about paying them forward.

Sharing is caring.

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I’m four days post my most recent dental surgery – one extraction, two implants, and both sides of the mouth worked on making eating fun – I’m like a rabbit – front tooth nibbles only. It was rough. I went in triggered – my PTSD is acting like it’s competing in the Olympics and needs to get going with strength training.

I’m usually anxious, but okay. This time, I struggled to get through the freezing process, and there were some emotional – not pain-based – tears from me while I was in the chair. I don’t usually go there. I don’t enjoy feeling distressed in public. At least everyone was kind. And it’s done, and this should be the last harsh bit of dental until the next catastrophe.

There’s nothing like an eating disorder to leave hidden damage.

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I’m emotional these days, and very thin-skinned. I’m reactive, something I don’t enjoy at all – nor, I’m sure, do the people catching the blowback. I’m not doing much to change or improve things either – wheel spinning would be an accurate analysis.

Grief works its way into everything. And you can’t get away from it. I’ve played the avoidance game before – you don’t outrun your problems – they keep pace until you slow, and they close the gap. The only way out is through. This is true of much of life, and it is always annoying.

My default behaviour when it comes to managing my life is to attack myself to gain the illusion of control. I’m in neutral and revving right now, which gets you nowhere fast and often makes things worse. So much worse. We don’t make the best choices when we’re in distress. We don’t make the best choices when we’re grieving.

I feel stuck. I need to figure out how to apply a loving boot to my behind. I went for a long drive yesterday which is both out of the house, and movement. It was a short trip, but it’s a start. Something is always better than nothing – unless it’s zombies.

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