I’m feeling tired and overwhelmed these days. A lot is going on in my life and in my head, and my stress level is red-lining. I’m not my bestest self ever when I’m stressed out. I’m short-tempered, quick to anger, and can be rude and unkind if I feel even the slightest bit challenged or under threat.
Patience has left the building once again.
I had a hot exchange with someone yesterday while out walking my dog. We were both of us in the wrong, but I escalated things in a way I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t running on coffee, tension, worry, and rage. Unfortunately, righteous anger only carries you so far before the guilty conscience of the unkind over-reacter kicks in.
Unfortunately, what’s done is done. Even if we were known to each other, apologies don’t change the past. You can’t unring a bell: what’s done is done. That’s why it’s good advice to take a beat before reacting. My grandmother was a fan of taking a breath and counting to ten. Unfortunately, I’m also feeling anxious, and my anxiety-to-anger roadway is a pathway well-travelled. I don’t often stop for that vital, sober second thought.
I can’t turn back time as yet, so the only option open is to improve. I’ll try to do better next time. The thrill of “winning” a war of words is momentary – the guilt over being less kind than you’d prefer gets carried for a while, as it should. It’s not pleasant for us to fall short of our behavioural ideals, and it’s also unpleasant for those we wound.
Ah, well. We’re all the bad guys in someone’s story.
From Famine to Feast. 
Maybe we can’t unring the bell, but we can try to touch it slower. Lovely read š
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very true! I just sent a reply to an email that is probably harsher than it needed to be. Then again, my first email said “The phone number you provided goes to voicemail without the choice to leave a message” and the email from THEM said “Please call us to discuss this.” With the same number.
I think the key thing is, we all have our bad days, our flashes of irrational anger. But not everyone will accept that it WAS irrational, or overstated, as you have. It’s entirely possible that you are giving more thought to the exchange than the other dogwalker is…
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thatās frustrating and annoying. If I was rich, that āphone to voicemailā link would give rise to thoughts of skywriters.
Iām probably thinking on the exchange too hard. I must have some cow DNA in there – I tend to ruminate.
LikeLiked by 2 people
That right Michelle, you can’t take it back so don’t dwell on it. The goal is to do better next time!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oof. I’m sorry that you’re struggling. I am too. I’m trying HARD to focus on positives, but I’m failing more than succeeding at it. Sending you love and strength to get through the current set of challenges so you can emerge being more equipped to be the person you prefer being. We’ll get there, right?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Iām sorry we have this in common as well. Sending love, strength, and grace back at you. I keep trying to remind myself to take a longer view. My mom was fond of, āthis, too, shall pass.ā š¤
LikeLiked by 1 person
And it DOES pass, just not at the speed Iād prefer. See definition for impatient.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Iām sorry again. Even though I know thereās no āone true wayā for grief, our brains seem to want that. I blame advertising/ movies.
I was thinking today that grief is not unlike menopause. Itās a required stage of life, and just when you think youāre through the worst of it, things flare again. Sending all the support and caring.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good analogy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hearing your stress, irritability and regret. Hearing you want to meet needs for compassion and equanimity and choice.
We wonder if Mourning is a strategy for the interim. ššā¤ļø
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you.
The idea of grieving the encounter appeals, it feels like a positive way to resolve and let go.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No use worrying about spilled milk right? Just move on.
LikeLiked by 6 people
I can relate I have been homeless for over a year now and still struggling to come back and patience is still something I struggle with but sometimes it takes more and it always helps to reflect.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Reflecting is a great practice. I admire innately patient people. I struggle too
LikeLike