Mental Health

To-do lists – an off-the-cuff joint.

I live with anxiety and c-PTSD among other neuroses – humble brag – and lists are my happy place. I find them aspirational and inspirational. I can tend to aimless wheel spinning with my puttering – reorganizing the library again is a lateral move no matter how it soothes anxious feelings – so lists can lead to me feeling productive at the end of the day.

Daily writing prompt
Something on your “to-do list” that never gets done.
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Feeling productive is a net good. Plus, there are things in life that need to get done. When my depression is acting up – another humble brag: if I can’t be neurotypical then I’m hammering home the divergence – the basics of self-care (showering springs to mind) can become irregular. Lists help keep me on track.

It’s nice to see a checkmark on a piece of paper. We’re well-trained as children in that regard. Why do you think calendars and agendas for grownups come with stickers?

The secret with lists is to be aspirational, but not over-ambitious. It’s unlikely you’ll get to the laundry, lawn, and repainting the mudroom this Thursday. Break things down appropriately.

And, when you’re struggling, give yourself easy wins. Add making the bed. Add brushing your teeth – and that gets a tick each time it gets done. Happiness is three ticks. Add things after the fact so ticks are guaranteed. There’s no one true way.

Add new repeating tasks to routines that already exist. Studies show we’re better at adopting new habits if we tie them to something else. If you want to remember to floss your teeth, do it after every cup of coffee. Or you could add it to brushing. You do you.

Keep the list where you can see it – hanging it on the inside of a cupboard door you keep closed is less than pointless. My to-do lists live in my daily planner, which lives on the kitchen peninsula since that’s the side of the house where I spend most of my time. Make things easy for yourself.

It’s so strange how we tend to the opposite.

I check my calendar first thing to see what appointments or commitments are pending – another reason keeping it by the coffee pot is handy. Taking a moment to write down the things I’d like to get done is the work of seconds, but it has big payoffs for me: there are the aforementioned dopamine-stimulating ticks upon task completion, and I get to get the concerns out of my head.

This is what I love most about lists – they lighten my mental load. I add things to future to-do lists as well – there’s a note in the calendar the week before birthdays to shop, for instance – and that helps keep my brain quiet. Anxiety has a harder time in an organized system.

Which is a lot of words to say that I rarely leave things on the to-do list undone. Once upon a time, I was too enthusiastic with my lists. I didn’t leave things undone – that’s not how anxiety works – but my days were long. Then I learned that you can cross things out, and nothing happens. It’s okay to cancel things. It’s okay to change your mind. Try to keep the list realistic. Your time is a finite resource.

Planners, calendars, and to-do templates are pretty personal. Find ones you love.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention SMART goals. Essentially, you’re more likely to achieve your goals if they meet certain criteria – if they’re Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-based. There are articles and books aplenty if you’re curious, but basically, keep things small, and focus on things that are important to you. Don’t waste your “one precious life” on the irrelevant.

I rolled my eyes when introduced to the concept, but it works.
It’s so annoying when that happens.

17 thoughts on “To-do lists – an off-the-cuff joint.”

  3. Pingback: To-do lists – an off-the-cuff joint. – News good jim kiriakopoulos

  5. We feel pleased that you meet needs for order and effectiveness with lists.

    We only occasionally make them—and then it’s really about memorizing them or remembering what we wrote cuz we observe that we struggle to use a list.

    We read somewhere that DID people struggle hella to use lists: who wrote it, who’s reading it, who can decipher it, who remembers there is a list?

    The phone helps a little: it’s somewhere we look daily. Even then, reminders and lists don’t register with everyone

    Hypervigilance can help get stuff dive but when it wanes, like you said during depression, shit might not get done

    We set a reminder at 10:02 am today to go off at 10:05 to tell us to call Younger Child, go to grocery store, then mail a package

    Then we just started at 10:04 on our own. So maybe the writing it is the key: for us it’s setting intention

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. I hadn’t heard that about people with DID before, but it makes a great deal of sense. I’m sorry, it must be a frustration. Sometimes, it’s the “small” things people on the outside of our realities don’t think about that are a real struggle.

      I think setting an intention is a good way of setting a reminder in our heads. I used to do it when my son lived at home, ask him to remind me about something.

      He’d usually forget, but the act of asking seems to cement it into my brain as well.

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. Hahaha Younger Child asks us to remind them of stuff every few weeks. The phone will corner remind us or it won’t. Anyone relying on us for reminders knows they are gambling

        Same with asking us to keep a secret! If they are lucky, we will just forget the info. Otherwise we remember the juicy gossip and forget whom we are keeping it from: oops hahaha

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        2. Hahaha
          Spouse is very curious and interested and asks many questions about everything of everyone. The kids say, Please stop asking. We don’t want to tell you things because the follow up grilling is so intense. So they tell us sooo much because we don’t ask and aren’t too interested hahahaha

          Spouse doesn’t tend to share the info gleaned from anyone. Just had needs for information and clarity that are met with details

          We like to focus more on feelings and needs, which require few details until the strategy phase to meet unmet needs. Those strategies would benefit from your, what was it, SMART goals?

          Like

        3. I find curious people interesting. I try to remember, but it’s not innate with me. My dad and brothers are like Spouse.

          Kids are such contrary creatures lol

          Yes, SMART – specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-based.

          I can struggle with inertia. I make a daily and weekly list using this criteria. I even include things like contact X and Y to maintain friendships.

          The trick for me is to keep the total number small. My brain likes self-defeating behaviour and will suggest a massive list to encourage failure.

          Liked by 1 person

        4. Brain, are you scared that regular effectiveness from lists will make it more painful the day Michelle isn’t effective? Are you worried about not being perfect?

          What are other strategies could you use to get your need for stability met besides trying to prevent Michelle from creating and finishing the list?

          Brain, are you willing to engage in a SMART request that eases your worries and also meets Michelle’s needs for order and progress?

          Liked by 1 person

        5. Thank you. These are good questions and I’ve not considered them. My brain didn’t like them, and it got quite uncomfortable. I’m writing them down and putting them on a Post-it on my computer screen. I will keep thinking about this.

          Liked by 1 person

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