Eating disorders have one goal: they want you dead. They hide that under “be thin, be fit, be healthy, be perfect, be beautiful,” but they don’t actually care about those things. If they did, the goalposts wouldn’t continually move.
You can’t win with an eating disorder and living while trying to maintain it is a halflife.
When you give up alcohol or drugs, you can stop using them. Abstinence works. Abstinence doesn’t work when food is your drug of choice. Although one could argue that anorexia is simply abstinence taken to extremes.
You can laugh. It keeps the tears at bay.
Eating disorders come with lies. “Your Recovery Isn’t the Exception” by Cara’s Corner outlines some of the hardest that come with trying to heal.
From Famine to Feast. 
How is the elimination diet going with your eating disorder—having any issues or are you hanging in there?
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Thank you. It’s okay. Eating more thoughfully’s been good. Though I had a we-had-milk-for-the-first-time-today-and-now-I-have-hives day to day 🙄
Looks like all I get is aspartame. That might be irony.
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Well, shit. Also, go figure.
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Many, if not most, obese people self-medicate through over-eating. I utilized that method during most of my pre-teen years, and even later in life after quitting my (ab)use of cannabis and alcohol.
Largely due to adverse childhood experience trauma, I ‘live’ with chronic anxiety and clinical depression, that are only partly treatable via medication.
It’s an emotionally tumultuous daily existence; a continuous discomforting anticipation of ‘the other shoe dropping’ and simultaneously being scared of how badly I will deal with the upsetting event, which usually never transpires.
The lasting emotional/psychological pain from such trauma is very formidable yet invisibly confined to inside the head. It is solitarily suffered, unlike an openly visible physical disability or condition, which tends to elicit sympathy/empathy from others.
It can make every day a mental ordeal, unless the turmoil is treated with some form of self-medicating, which for me is prescription or alcohol. Someday I could instead return to over-eating.
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Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry you’re also dealing with the long legs of childhood trauma.
I remember so often wanting nothing more mentally than contentment and a little quiet. A fractured and distracted brain is so hard to live with.
I relate to the self-medicating. After I stopped purging, my consumption of marijuana increased. I still wanted to numb the pain. For me, what has been a nice surprise is that each thought and memory isn’t as massive and monstrous as I feared they’d be. I’m surviving them (and didn’t think I would). Though I’m lucky enough to have a counsellor to do it with.
The temptation to return to the behaviour that promised peace after I left (though was killing me) was hard to resist. 💜💖
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