I have thoughts. Questions, really.
Let me say at the outset; I like Demi Lovato. I appreciate her honesty regarding her struggles, especially around her bulimia. That one is kept pretty quiet in the popular press: I’ve long thought it’s because vomit isn’t sexy the way emaciation is.
I keep up with the Demi Lovato stories because I feel a connection. We’re of a type. We have eating disorders, sexual abuse, drug addiction, and compulsive behaviours in common, though I’ve been at it longer. It makes me sad when young members join the club.
The world is pleased with Demi of late. They’re happy she survived, happy she’s sharing her truth and helping others, happy she’s healing. The last one’s a maybe: the world thought she was healing before.
I read Monica Sudakov’s review of Ms. Lovato’s Dancing with the Devil biopic. [i] I enjoyed her discussion about trauma and addiction: I was less pleased with the closing sentiments: “her life itself is [now] a testament to resilience, the capacity to heal from trauma and the power of healthy relationships to that healing journey.” [ii]
That seems like a lot of weight to put on someone’s shoulders. It also seems premature. Are we sure she’s recovered? Are we sure she’s “healed from trauma?” How do we know? Because she said so? I said it lots. That’s the problem with us “addict and eating disorder” types: not only do we lie like dogs, but we’re also good at it. Recovery is rarely “one and done.” But the weight of doing it in front of the world must make things so very much harder.
Fame seems to be very much the cursed blessing.
[i] Demi Lovato’s Documentary Is the Story of Trauma, Not Addiction. (film, 2021)
[ii] The whole quote is as follows: “It’s clear that Demi Lovato’s mission in so openly and honestly sharing her truth is intended to normalize and destigmatize mental health struggles. She has always been an advocate for mental health, but now her life itself is a testament to resilience, the capacity to heal from trauma and the power of healthy relationships to that healing journey.” I agree that her actions in sharing and normalizing mental illness are admirable, but I think what someone does to who they are can be problematic.
From Famine to Feast. 
HI Em – you write so beautifully….do words make you happy like they make me? I love writing so much. Your take on Ms Lovato is spot on. How do we know (or HER for that matter) if she’s recovered? WE DO LIE LIKE DOGS. This is my truth currently. I’m in that strange space between mental bulimia and maybe recovery. I just don’t know. Will you come back to my site and leave me a comment about any blog/poem you choose to read? I love your opinion.
bipolarladycoms.com
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your site is beautiful!
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Thank you so much. I totally get that space. I’m hovering there myself. I think it comes down to choosing, in the end. Maybe. Like, I’ve chosen recovery, sure, but am I choosing it 100%? Sometimes, I think I’m hanging onto a few threads, just in case.
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This is where I am too. my ED relationship is so intimate…like in Jenni Schaefer’s book where she names her disease “Ed” and communicates that way. It knows EVERYTHING and that is SCARY. almost like you don’t want to anger the beast or you will suffer greatly. it will lie and sell you out every time. but yet, severing it completely out of me will no doubt bring great pain and FEAR. I hang on to scraps of the rituals, routines and body-shaming…will they ever go away? I’m not actively practicing bulimia right now, and am in therapy to recover. but, the stuff I just mentioned…will it always be with me, or should I ay a “recovered” me?
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I liked Jenni Schaefer’s book, although my ED feels female. I like thinking of it as distinct from me, though I don’t have DID.
I think that it will always be there, in that the memories are forever. I find, however, as time passes, my responses become more habitual. The passion of extreme self-hatred is fading. So, that’s nice. Perhaps, once the thoughts fully lose any steam, they’ll stop coming?
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I love that you still have poetry.
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Em – sometimes, I think all I HAVE is poetry! but I have written a book of fiction, so I guess I enjoy the fiction more.
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