good changes

I’m trying out the new WordPress editor and we’ll have to see how it goes. It’s a change, and I don’t like change.

I’m not alone in this; I think most of us prefer the status quo, however, often times the things we are seeking to preserve are better off binned.

One of the things I struggle with changing is my inability to stand up and be seen. Writing a blog is part of my efforts to change that  – blogging forces me to put myself out there, even anonymously.

The feedback has been lovely, and I’m very appreciative.

The lack of negative consequences to posting the things I write inspired me and I recently submitted several works to a writing competition. I expected very little. I expected rejection. I expected outright horror and comments along the lines of “who told you to write? you’re obviously unsuited to the task.” So, I was thrilled last week to learn I was a finalist and even more thrilled to learn today that not only are they including all three pieces that I submitted in the magazine but that my Mundane Miracles piece was the winner in the non-fiction category.

When you struggle with the self-image problems that come along with an eating disorder, believing you’re good at anything is a challenge. This was a nice slap in the face to that belief pattern. I haven’t stopped smiling since I received the email this morning.

Change can be a good thing. We learn to fear it. We learn to accept only what is, to not stretch ourselves beyond our comfort zones. We worry that bad things that might happen if we stretch. We forget, I forget, that good results are possible as well.

I’m going to take another risk. I’m going to read the piece out loud at the launch party. This will be another big change, a hard one that involves being in public and speaking in front of people. My brain is already busy coming up with unlikely scenarios that run the gamut from scorn regarding my appearance to jeers regarding my words. I suspect I will be spending a great deal of time between now and then arguing with myself over the likelihood of my fears coming true.

I made a change in my life and good things happened. I’m going to try and remember this going forward. 

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