You should just.

(November 29, 2017) A guarantee: if the sentence starts with “you should just,” what comes after nothing you want to hear. “Should” is on the evil side. “Just” implies an ease of execution that’s often disconnected from reality. When you put them together, they create a phrase guaranteed to generate misery. It’s a safe bet…… Continue reading You should just.

Letting eating disorders go.

(November 15, 2017) Recovering from an eating disorder is hard work. Recovery is a daily slog that’s tiring as hell. Complaining about it reminds me that I’m blessed: I’m still here: too many other people I’ve known and cared for haven’t been as lucky. Unfortunately, the complaining sets off a round of self-criticism. According to…… Continue reading Letting eating disorders go.

Hotel rooms are dangerous places.

(November 12, 2017) Trigger warning: blunt discussion of eating disorder behaviors. My history with hotel rooms is complicated. They’re great when I’m on vacation with others. I have other hotel stories in my past, however. I don’t like revisiting my past, but I’m learning that if I don’t own it, forgive myself for it, and…… Continue reading Hotel rooms are dangerous places.

Grief.

Letting go of my eating disorder means grieving. It’s a loss. I’m losing my coping mechanism and my support system. I’m cutting out a piece of me, and that’s a wrench, despite it being the right choice. The excision will leave a hole, and I need to fill it. Whatever I choose has to feel more important…… Continue reading Grief.