If everything was perfect, I’d be okay. My brain would be at ease. I know this, absolutely. I have no evidence to support this belief but it has rattled in my brain forever. If only I was perfect, everything would be fine… Continue reading If everything was perfect.
Sometimes, I think if I take off the reins, the urge to eat will take over my world.
I know where it comes from and what drives it, this feeling that I can’t ever consume enough. This feeling that if I start, I’ll never stop.
It’s from the eating disorder, from a lifetime of restriction and deprivation. You can’t undo what’s been done. I can’t go back in time and eat the food now I didn’t eat then. But I worry that without the restrictions I still have in place, I’ll try…
Continue reading You have to eat, even when you’re afraid.
I’m turning fifty this week – thank you – and it occurs to me that I’ve acquired some knowledge and insight in that time. I thought it might be interesting to sit with myself and figure out what some of that is. As you travel through life, you pick up interesting bits and pieces of information and form ideas about this, that, and the other. In the interest of symmetry, I decided to share fifty of mine. Some are deep, and some less so.
So, in no particular order, because I’m simply writing things down as they occur to me, I present my list (which, now that I’m finished is very long, so apologies for that):…
Continue reading 50 things I’ve learned in my first fifty years.
Step one is sobriety. It doesn’t really matter what you’re recovering from. That’s the first step. Sober thoughts and sober acts.
Walk the sober walk.
Getting sober is hard. It doesn’t matter what your drug of choice is. Alcohol, pills, food, whatever. It’s hard to step away from the substance you abuse, even though, by the time you decide to do so, you’ve recognized that it’s harming you.
Even though by the time you’re ready to step away, you’ve already moved to hell and have taken up residence there…
Continue reading Stages of recovery
From Famine to Feast 