i don’t want to work out
“I’ve been having conversations with my eating disorder. They haven’t been great ones – I’ve not been enjoying them. This is mostly because my eating disorder is not a great conversationalist. She doesn’t dialogue well; she’s rude, aggressive, intolerant, and kind of mean.
She’s up in arms because I haven’t been exercising. I’ve done nothing for five days…”
Continue reading i don’t want to work out
200 posts – thank you.
“I had a look at the stats page on my blog the other morning; something I almost never do. I try not to be invested in results. I write because I feel compelled to, because it helps me, because it might help someone else, and because it lets me connect with interesting people. I don’t want to grow angst-ridden about market share.
The timing of the peek was serendipitous. The post counter has me at one-hundred and ninety-nine posts, making this number two-hundred.
I feel compelled to created something spectacular, yet, remain stymied over what to say.
I wasn’t going to write today…”
Continue reading 200 posts – thank you.
revenge fantasies
“My brain likes to go walkabout occasionally, without even a “by your leave”. I’ll be sitting or walking, even driving when suddenly, I’m back in the past, revisiting an event I didn’t enjoy the first time around.
I hate flashbacks. I hate the emotions that come with them. I felt horrid during the initial encounter, whatever it was, and I don’t enjoy reliving everything from assaults, to bad days at work, to bullying. Any opportunity my brain has to make me relive misery, it takes.
Occasionally, I’m in the author. I create memories of things that never happened, and wild imaginings of bad times yet to come. Visions of death, injury, violence and destruction abound. I feel ridiculous when I pull myself out of these daymares, as emotionally wrecked as if the event in question had occurred.
Sometimes, however, I enjoy my brain’s creativity. I like it when I construct imaginary scenarios where I fight back, stand my ground, and put bullies and abusers in their place…” Continue reading revenge fantasies
eyes open and vulnerable
“I’ve been trying something new with my meditation, now that I’m back to doing it semi-regularly. I’ve been meditating with my eyes open. It’s an odd experience. It makes me feel vulnerable and I don’t like it; generally speaking, vulnerability is not something I do well…” Continue reading eyes open and vulnerable
From Famine to Feast 