I love a good quote. I wish I remembered them for longer than seconds.
My mother has the kind of lung cancer that’s not going to get better. Living through this is probably the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do. I’ve lived in the aftermath of sudden death, but I’ve never walked the path with someone when the end is guaranteed.
Philosophically and pedantically speaking (philosophy is often pedantic), we’re all walking the path of mortality. My mother’s end, however, is more imminent than most of us imagine ours to be.
We all cope with grief in different ways. Some of us carry on as usual, pretending that the really big thing isn’t happening as we have stilted conversations that dance around the new terror in our reality.
I’ll take suppression and denial for two hundred, Alex.
I tried pushing bleak reality for a while, but it’s not kind to make people face what they’re not ready to face.
I’d be smug about facing reality myself but the chaos inside my house would call me a liar. The busy work keeps my brain away from places I’d rather it not go. The constant attempts at renovation and organizational perfection also not only denial but the expenditure of energy, a good thing since I seem to have tapped into an infinite source.
Nothing fuels like anger.
Add to the busy work an online course, daily exercise, and a (faint) personal life, and you get a full schedule except I haven’t included my parents. Thank god the thought of work still brings on a panic attack.
I don’t have the time.
The same holds true for writing: who has the time? Though I did find time to scrape out the chest freezer (it didn’t need it) and move furniture around the house to create better flow.
Another benefit of all this physicality is a flaring up of my arthritis. Let’s hear it for the numbing effects of pain meds.
Time again to revisit and scavenge from the past. The old journal I’ve been revisiting holds more than poetry, however. I used the back half to write down inspirational quotes for posterity.
Who knew posterity was a bin in the basement?
From Famine to Feast. 
💔 This is hard. I’m sorry.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sure you’ll handle this in whatever way you need to. I’m taking care of my mother who just turned 91 and I’m watching her fall apart more and more. As much as I hate this phrase, it is what it is. 😥
LikeLiked by 2 people
Exactly. Grace is hard, but required.
I’m sorry 😢💕
LikeLiked by 1 person
Losing someone is hard. In some ways a sudden death is easier as there’s no time reflect, mull or dwell on what ifs or what could bes. But there’s no time to make good memories, repair or solidify relations, or time to ask the questions and have conversations you want.
However, on the downsize terminal diagnosis means there are things to organise, medical, personal and other decisions that need to be made. That is hard, too.
Look after you whether that’s by cleaning things that don’t need it or whatever it else it means for you.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you. It’s definitely a shocking amount of busywork ❤️️
LikeLike
I’m sorry things are so hard. Hugs. ❤️
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you 🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
I like the one about character building slowly but getting destroyed quickly.
As far as time for writing is concerned… use the time you spend in waiting rooms for that?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Sorry to hear about your mom Em. It’s definitely not easy. I speak from my own experience. Just enjoy the time you do have.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you 💖 I’m sorry you went through the same things.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not much is harder than seeing a loved one slipping away. You’re right. We’re all mortal. But the realization of that can be so very hard.
I love quotes, too. I tend to find them jotted down everywhere, along with song lyrics.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you. 💖 I should do it with song lyrics, but only with what I think they are. My interpretations are often hilarious.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That would be great. I have learned songs I sang for 20 years I heard something so different! Misheard lyrics are usually hysterical. I was listening to a podcast the other day and the host and guest kept misquoting the lyrics. I was screaming at them!
LikeLike