I hate reality at times. My hatred is personal and global.
It’s probably not really hatred. “Hate” is a strong word I try to use sparingly. I want to hold it back, keep the impact intact for situations that are really deserving. Like, “I hate Nazis.”
I dislike reality at times. My dislike is personal and global. Reality is, at times, wholly annoying.
I dislike my body. That’s still number one on my hit list even though I’m working on my recovery. I also dislike my eating disorder, mental illnesses, the paucity of character in politicians, climate change, spiders in the basement, spiders on the main floor, people who litter, greedy people, racists and bigots, excessive use of plastics in packaging, and shoes that make my feet sweat.
I dislike paying for parking at hospitals and I dislike privatized medicine. I dislike corporations that excessively pollute while the pretend to be good global citizens. I dislike hunting for sport. I dislike the big ships that cruise the oceans, traumatizing the fish and mammals that live there in order to transport mostly unnecessary stuff. I dislike the fact that I’m getting older and I’m still stuck in the same patterns. I dislike the last two seasons of Supernatural.
There is, when you get right down to it, a great deal to dislike in this world and this life. Illness, decay, disillusionment, and death. Unequal distribution of resources. Famines. Wars. Environmental collapse. Fat thighs. The inability to acquire a soul mate.
It makes you wonder why any of us go on at all.
Life is full of things to dislike. Life is full of things that annoy.
Except I saw a picture of an elephant laughing in a waterfall the other day. And my cat sat on my lap for an hour purring this morning while I read. And a high-school coach in Oregon stopped a young man from shooting himself at school; he held him and comforted him and got him help. And age-related selfishness aside, my children love me.
And I have concord grapes in the kitchen that I can’t wait to feel explode in my mouth in a perfectly-balanced combination of sweet and tart as the skin slithers off. And there’s a new J. D. Robb book sitting on my bookshelf and the leaves on the dogwood outside the dining room window are a brilliant red.
I saw a picture of a baby duck in someone’s hand and read a story about a farmer rescuing a mama mouse and her babies. I heard about a group of kids raising money for local homeless families by doing bottle drives. And my grandson came running up calling “Nana” and climbed into my lap for a story and a cuddle.
And I realized that yes, reality is hard but disliking it is a choice. It’s like complaining. You don’t actually have to do it; it’s not a requirement. Life is hard, reality is frustrating, there is much to dislike, and existence can be annoying but there are good things in life too. Things that can warm the heart and soul if you pay attention. Things that can make life better if you let them.
What bring you happiness?