I’m trying to quit smoking.
And by trying, I mean I think about quitting smoking, but I don’t do much beyond cutting back a bit. If it gets uncomfortable, I go back to previously established levels.
A favourite quote of mine is, “Nothing changes if nothing changes.”
A good corollary would be, “Nothing changes if you don’t really want change.”…
Continue reading I should probably want to quit smoking.
I binged and purged last night. It was the fat thoughts. I’ve gained about ten pounds and the weight that is supposed to help me is killing me, or at least that’s what it feels like. Thinner, thinner, thinner is all I think about now. Diet hard, exercise. Forget quitting smoking, forget friends and family. Forget writing, forget recovery, forget life. Forget everything but getting thin, back to bones… Continue reading An Eating Disorder Journal entry.
I recently reread Cheryl Richardson’s “The Art of Extreme Selfcare”. I bought it a couple of years ago and read it cover to cover at the time. I took notes, highlighted important passages, and implemented nothing. Change, even positive change, is challenging and can be difficult to implement. We cling to our default settings with our dying grasp, even when they’re harmful. I’ve been dissatisfied … Continue reading Saying “I love you” to myself.
People like to say “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. I must be Atlas by now.
I am back from my week-long, running away from home vacation to Mexico. I made it four days. I’m struggling to not consider it a failure. I’m struggling to believe that I made the best decision for myself when I called my parents in tears and asked them to book me a flight home; I was too distressed to do it myself; the interface on my iPhone was too difficult for my challenged state of mind…
Continue reading What doesn’t kill you, blah blah blah.
From Famine to Feast 