if i could paint anxiety

november 24, 2017 if i could paint my anxiety i’d build huge canvases splashed with dark, swirling colours that overwhelm, like violent, stormy waves, they crash over me, mocking my struggles as i fight for air, as i try to stay afloat. unrelenting, unceasing, pitiless, full of confusion and violence, they bury me alive and …

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hotel rooms are dangerous places

november 12, 2017 my history with hotel rooms is complicated. sure, they’re great when i’m on vacation, but i have other hotel stories as well. i don’t really like to revisit my history but i’m slowly learning that if i don’t own my past, and forgive myself for it, and let it go, i’ll get …

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a bad day (nov 6, 2017)

november 5, 2017 in the storage banks of my mind, where the memories of thousands of episodes of bingeing and purging live, one always jumps to the front of the flashback queue. there are other episodes, worse episodes, more deadly episodes but it is this one, from my second year at university, when i was …

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first times

october 31, 2017 first times are generally seen as something special. the first bath. the first laugh. the first step. the first day of school, the first dance, the first kiss. the first time you fall in love. we take pictures and share stories. we commemorate our firsts. there was no camera the first time …

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