Tag: depression

Mental Health

I can take care of myself.

I’m afraid, almost all the time. Although I have phobias regarding certain things, spiders for example, this is not that kind of fear. This is a fear or nothing and everything and it’s with me all the time; it’s in my bones, written into my operating system. It impedes my ability to do almost everything. It makes me want to stay in my house, in my room, where I know it’s safe. Where I won’t have to deal with people. It makes me not want to deviate from my routine to try and control it and keep it at bay. Because the fear is awful, and I want more than anything to feel safe, and in order to do so, I keep my world small… Continue reading I can take care of myself.

Unknown's avatarMichelleLeave a comment
Mental Health

Waiting for the right time

I haven’t worked on my novel since I got back from my abbreviated trip to Mexico. It doesn’t feel like the right time. Perhaps Monday will work out better; everyone knows that starting things on a Monday increases the chance of success.

Or perhaps not. Monday-next is approaching mid-month; that seems like an awkward time to dive back into something. Perhaps I should wait ‘til the beginning of next month; starting on the first always works out better.

Perhaps I should wait until June… Continue reading Waiting for the right time

Unknown's avatarMichelle5 Comments
Mental Health

What doesn’t kill you, blah blah blah.

People like to say “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. I must be Atlas by now.

I am back from my week-long, running away from home vacation to Mexico. I made it four days. I’m struggling to not consider it a failure. I’m struggling to believe that I made the best decision for myself when I called my parents in tears and asked them to book me a flight home; I was too distressed to do it myself; the interface on my iPhone was too difficult for my challenged state of mind…
Continue reading What doesn’t kill you, blah blah blah.

Unknown's avatarMichelle9 Comments
Mental Health

Running away from home

I’m running away from home at the end of the week.

That’s sounds very dramatic.

The “running” will actually take place on an airplane; I’m headed to Mexico for a week at an all-inclusive. My credit card company is pleased with my impulsive decision. I’m grateful for the credit limit that allowed me to make the purchase. I’m not so thrilled with the idea of paying it off for the next year, but needs must…
Continue reading Running away from home

Unknown's avatarMichelle6 Comments