The longer you’ve had your eating disorder, the harder it is to change the way you think. This is not to say you can’t recover. It just means the hard business of changing what you do is only the beginning. Fixing broken thinking patterns is where the real work lies. If you can’t do that, you’ll fall back into old behaviours. It’s inevitable. You don’t … Continue reading The rise of the eating disorder brain, part 7,294.
…It is shocking to me how much time not participating in my eating disorder takes up. How much specific and cognitive work goes into the process. I spend a lot of time having conversations with myself… Continue reading Hoarding food in a secret drawer.
Sometimes, I think if I take off the reins, the urge to eat will take over my world.
I know where it comes from and what drives it, this feeling that I can’t ever consume enough. This feeling that if I start, I’ll never stop.
It’s from the eating disorder, from a lifetime of restriction and deprivation. You can’t undo what’s been done. I can’t go back in time and eat the food now I didn’t eat then. But I worry that without the restrictions I still have in place, I’ll try…
Continue reading You have to eat, even when you’re afraid.
Step one is sobriety. It doesn’t really matter what you’re recovering from. That’s the first step. Sober thoughts and sober acts.
Walk the sober walk.
Getting sober is hard. It doesn’t matter what your drug of choice is. Alcohol, pills, food, whatever. It’s hard to step away from the substance you abuse, even though, by the time you decide to do so, you’ve recognized that it’s harming you.
Even though by the time you’re ready to step away, you’ve already moved to hell and have taken up residence there…
Continue reading Stages of recovery
From Famine to Feast. 