Category: eating disorders

eating disorders, Mental Health

You have to eat, even when you’re afraid.

Sometimes, I think if I take off the reins, the urge to eat will take over my world.

I know where it comes from and what drives it, this feeling that I can’t ever consume enough. This feeling that if I start, I’ll never stop.

It’s from the eating disorder, from a lifetime of restriction and deprivation. You can’t undo what’s been done. I can’t go back in time and eat the food now I didn’t eat then. But I worry that without the restrictions I still have in place, I’ll try…
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Unknown's avatarMichelle5 Comments
eating disorders

50 things I’ve learned in my first fifty years.

I’m turning fifty this week – thank you – and it occurs to me that I’ve acquired some knowledge and insight in that time. I thought it might be interesting to sit with myself and figure out what some of that is. As you travel through life, you pick up interesting bits and pieces of information and form ideas about this, that, and the other. In the interest of symmetry, I decided to share fifty of mine. Some are deep, and some less so.

So, in no particular order, because I’m simply writing things down as they occur to me, I present my list (which, now that I’m finished is very long, so apologies for that):…
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Unknown's avatarMichelle21 Comments
eating disorders, Mental Health

Stages of recovery

Step one is sobriety. It doesn’t really matter what you’re recovering from. That’s the first step. Sober thoughts and sober acts.

Walk the sober walk.

Getting sober is hard. It doesn’t matter what your drug of choice is. Alcohol, pills, food, whatever. It’s hard to step away from the substance you abuse, even though, by the time you decide to do so, you’ve recognized that it’s harming you.

Even though by the time you’re ready to step away, you’ve already moved to hell and have taken up residence there…
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Unknown's avatarMichelle4 Comments
eating disorders, Mental Health

Between five and seven pounds

I wasn’t going to write about my eating disorder today. I have a draft post about my PTSD waiting for revisions. I’ve resisted looking deeply into it to date but had big plans to do so in the somewhat near future. Those plans flew out the window this morning when I put on the jeans that are supposed to be baggy only to find they were less baggy than expected.

Just like that, my mental equilibrium got shot to shit…
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Unknown's avatarMichelle2 Comments