What makes someone a leader? Is the leader simply the person in charge? Is there no required skill set? Perhaps not – if the last few years have shown us anything – global politics, the former Twitter – it’s that holding the top job does not a leader make.

There’s more to leadership than holding power though the two are often conflated.

We confuse leadership the job with leadership the skill, not unlike the way we conflate wealth with goodness, buckets of evidence to the contrary notwithstanding.

One of the problems I have with leadership is that the best doesn’t seem to be rising to the top. The best are apparently discouraged from joining in the race, and why not. Why participate in a system that seems to embrace ugliness and banality? Why throw your hat in a ring that sees men committing sexual assault elevated?

I don’t stump for leadership, though I often end up assuming it. Sometimes it’s part of my job – managers who don’t lead in some fashion haven’t read the brief. But even when management isn’t my job description, I often end up as a go-to resource by default. It’s odd since I wouldn’t class myself as approachable, and I prefer to not play with others most of the time.

Though I do a good job of building consensus. Now. It’s a skill that’s come with age.

I was reading my kindergarten report care the other day. No, I don’t regularly sit around reliving my glory days. It showed up as I was looking for things to add to the discard pile – I’m culling much of what I’ve been clinging to, though I’ll be keeping this. It’s on really good paper – blue Manila cardstock – and handwritten as they were back in the day. I remember Miss Levers fondly. I adored her in the hero-worship way young children have with their teachers.

The reports said I was doing well with my five-year-old academics – she was surprised by my literacy skills – I’ve always liked to read – but she noted I had a tendency towards bossiness. I don’t think my mother ever shared that bit of information, but it wouldn’t be the last time the charge was levied.

I was outspoken. I was sure I was right in my opinions and positions, and I would dig in. I wasn’t very willing to bend on the big things. Or the small ones, back in the day. It’s a quality that’s come to serve me well. Except for when it doesn’t.

Bossy fixes things.

Bossy gets it done. I hadn’t encountered Tina Fey yet.

I don’t always worry about other people’s feathers in a way that with hindsight, I wish I would have. I can be abrupt. I don’t always explain how I got from “a” to “g.” I’m curious, however, if that “bossy” quality would’ve been labelled such and treated the same – discouraged – if I’d been a boy.

Leadership, the quality of organizing and running a group of people, from small collective to international endeavour, is also referred to as “management.” I think perhaps some leaders would be testy if they were described that way, but we are who we are. We’ve given mythical qualities to people who hold positions we imbue with power. the evidence of our eyes notwithstanding. They’re not all that and a slice of cheese. People in leadership are often small, petty, and banal.

I’m not hierarchical, in fact, I’m quite anti: I don’t automatically bestow respect based on title or position. I’m not befuddled by bullshit either: many of those who call themselves leaders are greedy sinecures at best. Leadership isn’t something I seek out very often, even though once upon a time, I thought maybe politics. It’s not the job, it’s the centre of attention thing, which makes politics even more problematic.

Intentions aside, I often end up in a position of de facto leadership. It has nothing to do with whether people choose to follow me or not. I’m not really concerned about the people. It’s the tasks that need to be taken care of. Do that, and the people take care of themselves.

Undone, inefficient, and incompetent bug me. You can’t fix it, however, especially in layered management structures. The easiest solution is the one I usually adopt – take over and get it done. I move things forward, and I’ll do it with the help of other people. I’m bossy, but cooperative with it. Sometimes I think leaders forget they’re simply one of many. Nobody likes to be preached at from the seventh floor.

Unfortunately, when you get things done, you get a reputation for getting things done, and then people start showing up asking for help. Things are easier now that I’m better at saying “no.”

Look at those boundaries, showing up everywhere.

You don’t need followers to be a leader. I don’t even like the language. It feels cultish and hierarchical. I’m more of a, “If you build it they will come” kind of person. Leadership is making sure what needs to happen gets done. It’s not as rarefied a skill set as corporate management with its seven-figure salaries likes to suggest.

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