Take the pills (red or blue).

I take psychiatric meds. I’ll probably continue doing so for the rest of my life. My neurochemistry doesn’t work well without outside help.

It never bothered me to admit that I take antidepressants, and it didn’t make me ashamed. I embraced my membership in Prozac Nation. I didn’t worry much about the diagnoses either. Maybe it’s because they kept people’s attention off the elephant in the room that was my eating disorder? The good thing about psychiatric medications is that inspire strong opinions. Toss them into conversational gaps and watch the room light up. *

My dosing schedule has me popping pills four times a day. I don’t set up a week’s doses in advance because the box I’d have to use is a plastic slab of ugly. The pill box I fill every morning instead is retro and adorable. Drugs are a requirement. Ugly is not.

I take my antidepressants with breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The meds for arthritis are consumed at lunch, dinner and bed. The gabapentin wrecks the pattern by requiring only two doses, lunchtime and bed. My new sleep supplement (melatonin with L-theanine) is one and done. The vitamins, probiotics and fantastically effective cal-mag I take as the mood and memory strikes.

It’s a system that works well until it doesn’t. It’s currently paralyzed by procrastination. Getting the pills down has become a challenge. Taking them out and putting them on the counter is as easy as pie. When it comes time for down the hatch, however, I suddenly need to do anything but.

Task left happily undone become imperative at pill time. The present suddenly becomes about cleaning the sink, feeding the cat, dusting the furniture, reorganizing the library, folding the laundry, and taking selfies with my freshly-polished shoe collection. Anything but down the hatch.

The procrastinating is a problem. There are time constraints involved in the dosing cycle: I need food in the stomach when the meds hit, or unfortunate results will ensue. I need meds in the stomach when the depression hits, or ditto.

A little voice in the back of my head is muttering something about parental lung cancer, dementia, and denial.

I miss the single-digit years, when cares were simple and happiness was a bike ride or coconut-covered marshmallow away.

*Since I sometimes struggle to take my meds, there’s also the possibility that my acceptance is surface-level only. It’s interesting to me that even when I’m honest with myself, I prevaricate.

Do you take permanent medications? How accepting are you? If there’s acceptance, is it “one and done” or does it wax and wane?

Photo credit (header): DG Home Goods 14 day pill and vitamin organizer

By Em

I like writing. Words help me unpack my thoughts so that things start to make sense. Once I have both myself and the universe figured out, I plan to take up macrame. "Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing, and learn as you go." E. L. Doctorow

10 comments

  1. “I miss the single-digit years when cares were simple and happiness was a bike ride or coconut-covered marshmallow away.” I like how you put it so poetically perfect.

    Pills? Currently, I don’t take any on a regular basis. I dread it. I hate having yet another thing added to my ‘to do’ list. Pills would tie me down. I would need to plan for when I’m outside the house, etc. Just annoying and inconvenient. I have some vitamins and supplements but I take them when I remember or when I want to.

    Why is it that you procrastinate when it’s time for pills?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s an interesting question. I’ve been on my antidepressant for some time and I’ve noticed in the past a tendency around the three-year mark to want to start shooting myself in the foot. Maybe it’s that.

      Thank you 😊

      Yeah, the to-do list is a horrible invention. I think it really harms our ability to live in the moment. The “honey do” haunts us 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Keep on doing what you’re doing! I take a bunch of things for my immune system, my digestion and allergies. I totally get not wanting to swallow down a bunch of pills!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My daughter has a mental block with pills and eye drops. She worried so much about screwing up, she invariably screwed up. I enjoyed the gagging dances, but the practicing we subsequently did with Smarties (M&ms) helped a lot. She can down eight in one go 😏

      Liked by 1 person

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