I’m on a road.

I’m still on the road. It’s four years on from when I wrote this piece, and I think I’ve made some significant progress. Among other things, it’s been almost two years since I voluntarily vomited. Considering what came before, that’s something of a miracle. I forget sometimes, in my haste to remind myself that I’m utterly imperfect, how far I’ve come.

From famine to feast.

I’m on a road that stretches so far off into the distance, I can’t see the end. I’ve heard tell that once I get there, life will be better. I’ve heard the trip’s a challenge, but the destination makes it worthwhile. I’m told that once I get there, things’ll be alright.

Once I get down the road, I’ll be calm, grounded, and fully me. They tell me my eating disorder can’t live there.

They tell me I’ll be happy.

They tell me I’ll be free.

Those are appealing thoughts, so I start down the road again, determined to get going. I’m always desperate to escape my here and now.

The road’s unpaved and the weather forbidding. Ruts and puddles abound. There are no signposts, no hints as to how long the trip will take. There’s just the road, stretching out in front of me. Walking is an act of faith.

The…

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By Em

I like writing. Words help me unpack my thoughts so things can start to make sense. Once I have both myself and the universe figured out, I plan to take up macrame. "Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing, and learn as you go." E. L. Doctorow

9 comments

  1. Congratulations on your progress! Your journey is encouraging to others on the same path. Another WP blogger (beautybeyondbones) shares the experience of her successful recovery from a life-threatening eating disorder. Are you familiar with her blog? Her recent post on August 16 talks a bit about it. Good luck, and keep on keeping on!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading and commenting. It’s a small world – I follow Beauty Beyond Bones and yes, I love her recovery story. Have a fantastic day.

      Like

    1. It really is. Reminding ourselves to give ourselves credit when it’s due is kind of important. We’re sure quick enough to give ourselves criticisms when we falter.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I was seeking a (new) project and organizing the blog’s history seemed like a plan. It’s like electronic painting and redecorating ☺️

      Okay, this never comes up. I was waiting for an appropriate place to share it, and it never came, so appropos of nothing, I was watching a documentary and learned that Florida is the sinkhole capital of the world (though adding it to the comment on your post about maybe moving on would’ve been good). It’s because of the increase in drought seasons. 😲

      Liked by 1 person

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