Recovery and growth, things that interest me, occasional deep-thoughts, and random poetry.
I struggle with attachments. I struggle with letting go of things. I suspect I am not unique. I’ve been reading bits and pieces of Buddhist writings. The idea of attachment is regularly referenced. The goal is to accept the concept of non-attachment. I’m nowhere close to doing that...
Some people believe bad things happen to teach us valuable lessons. That hard times lead to better ones. That misery has a purpose. Many of us believe this our whole lives, despite evidence to the contrary. We don’t like to think things just happen. We don’t like the idea of random chance...
I wish I didn’t care about anything but myself. It would make life a lot easier to navigate. I bet people who truly don’t care don’t suffer from mood disorders. I care about so many things I even anthropomorphize. I get guilt if I don’t rescue a worm from the sidewalk. What if it’s scared or frightened? I worry if I don’t acknowledge both of the stuffed animals that sit on my desk; I’m afraid if I pet only one, the other’s feelings will be hurt...
"It’s a new year and time for new resolutions. luckily, I didn’t make any; still, those niggling and imperfect behaviours I usually resolve to change are on my mind. Like my caffeine and nicotine use. I didn’t make a new year’s resolution to cut back, but possibly reducing my consumption is something I think about quite often. Instead, it’s the new year and the number of cups I quaff is up, and the smoking is escalating..."
"I like memes. They are the new millennium’s version of the fortune cookie; sage advice, deep thoughts, or clever quotes presented in bite-sized pieces that are accompanied by lovely visuals."
"it’s challenging when it feels like your brain is out of your control; when it persists in thinking thoughts you’d rather it didn’t...i have spent a significant quantity of time ranting and raving over my inability to shut down my brain and to deny these thoughts life. no matter the internal or external volume, repeatedly berating myself didn’t work. something new was needed..."
it loses something in the defining. it sanitizes the binge and downplays it; it’s a tidy description for something that is panicked, frantic, violent, destructive, and soul destroying.
