Eating disorders have one goal: they want you dead. They hide that under “be thin, be fit, be healthy, be perfect, be beautiful,” but they don’t actually care about those things. If they did, the goalposts wouldn’t continually move. You can’t win with an eating disorder and living while trying to maintain it is a halflife. When you give up alcohol or drugs, you can … Continue reading Recovering from eating disorders.
Four weeks ago, I started an elimination diet to check for food allergies and intolerances. It’s been suggested for years but I’ve been resistant. My eating disorder is fine with it controlling what I eat, but less down with other people’s impositions. I suppose that’s ironic, a structured eating situation unwilling to accept another structured eating situation? Part of it’s control – I dislike not … Continue reading Gluten, aspartame, and food allergies, oh my.
Until quite recently, I was afraid to eat a lot of things. I didn’t reintroduce banned foods back into regular rotation. I struggled to accept a different body. What if I got fat and bad things happened? But bad things happen regardless of weight. I knew that, but I didn’t know it if you know what I mean. But things have changed fundamentally of … Continue reading The Life Cycle of an Eating Disorder, and My Recovery So Far, part two.
The life cycle of an eating disorder is simple on paper. You don’t have one, then you do, and then, if lucky, you won’t again. A tidy summation, but real life is rarely tidy. The acquiring, living with, and recovering from an eating disorder looks more like an impressionist painting than a number line. Unless you’re a TV movie or Netflix special. I remember the … Continue reading The Life Cycle of an Eating Disorder and My Recovery So Far, part one.
From Famine to Feast 