I’ve been thinking some more.

I’ve been thinking most of the time, and I don’t like it. It’s not good thinking. The thoughts are about things that hurt. They’re dissociative daydreams in which I interact with my daughter, mostly to my advantage. I purge the hurt that is plaguing me by decimating her. I don’t like those trains of thought, so I generally redirect. I remain a nasty vigilante but … Continue reading I’ve been thinking some more.

Reblog: I don’t want to get better, I want to be better.

I also want to be able to edit the header typeface in Word Perfect. Just saying. I’m not writing much yet. Physical and mental burnout takes a while to come back from, even without the addition of an awakened case of PTSD. On the bright side, I’m enjoying another summer heat wave without air conditioning or an in-ground pool. I must get around to winning … Continue reading Reblog: I don’t want to get better, I want to be better.

The inside voices.

*There are some references to suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts. Check your mental state before you continue.* I made my father feel awful the other day. To be fair, I’ve asked for space. Repeatedly. From more than one parent. I’ve even said, explicitly, that it’s because I get mean when I’m triggered like this. I’m thin-skinned, reactive, and aim the knife well. This would be … Continue reading The inside voices.