"i’m afraid of men. i’ve been reading a book about Buddhism – Why Buddhism Is True by Richard Wright. these two things are not unconnected."
"when i wake up, my body is present, but my brain is not engaged. i like those moments. once my brain goes online, i find out if i’m going to be anxious or depressed or what. it’s apparent within minutes of rising if the day is going to start with a struggle. but those quiet moments of calm before the storm? i embrace them."
"i wish i could turn off my memories, edit or revise them so they’d play out as i intended. my thoughts, however, remain resolute and staunch in their determination to replay the pain as it happened."
TRIGGER WARNING. i was walking back to the car yesterday afternoon, enjoying the warm sunshine when i was grabbed roughly from behind. an arm wrapped around my torso, pinning me, and even as i struggled, a cloth was put over my mouth, quickly rendering me unconscious. i didn’t even have time to cry out before … Continue reading there’s violence in them thar dissociations
"i’ve tried to kill myself three times, most recently in november of 2014. it is a bizarre thing to able to write that about yourself. it’s a strange thing to know about yourself, to know that you are capable of taking such drastic action. there was a point in my life, long past now..."