I put things off. I put things off and I do it with malice aforethought. I put things off because of my anxiety. Or my PTSD. Or my humanity – I’m never sure about attribution. I get overwhelmed by requirements and obligations external and self-imposed. And when I get overwhelmed, things don’t go well for me. Anxiety rises, panic threatens, and negative coping skills shake … Continue reading Get it done. Or don’t. It’s really your call.
We’re in that weird calendar no man’s land, the bit of untime that exists between Christmas and New Year’s. The December holidays are winding down, but the end of the year approaches, so starting anything major (or minor) feels pointless. As is tradition, I find myself at sixes and sevens. Nothing feels quite right. Christmas was its usual let-down, as it must be given the … Continue reading To get started, to end the year.
Abstinence isn’t recovery, but you can’t have recovery without abstinence. Just another one of life’s bureaucratic annoyances. If you spend time in treatment for addiction in one of its various forms, you’ll encounter the term “dry drunk.” That phrase describes someone who isn’t acting on their addiction, but who also isn’t recovering. They’re white-knuckling their way through and because of that, they’ll stumble. [i] You … Continue reading Abstinence isn’t recovery and other annoying truths.
I’ve been thinking most of the time, and I don’t like it. It’s not good thinking. The thoughts are about things that hurt. They’re dissociative daydreams in which I interact with my daughter, mostly to my advantage. I purge the hurt that is plaguing me by decimating her. I don’t like those trains of thought, so I generally redirect. I remain a nasty vigilante but … Continue reading I’ve been thinking some more.