recovery is very much non-linear, and it persists in being so despite my wishing that it was otherwise. you work, you stumble, you relapse, you sink. you drop low, back down into the pit. what makes it recovery rather than just a fall is what happens next. Continue reading the non-linear nature of recovery
the rules are inflexible and keep me focused on my eating disorder. they’re designed to keep you trapped. it’s really hard to have independent thoughts that do not, in some way, circle back around to my ED. that bitch follows me everywhere. she is determined and persistent. Continue reading My eating disorder rules, of which there are many.
“it has been four months since i last threw up. this is something of a miracle. i haven’t gone that long without purging since my twenties, more than twenty-five years ago.” Continue reading four months free
it’s a beautiful day outside. it isn’t raining and the skies aren’t dark grey and during winter on the west coast, it’s hard to do better. i could go out for a walk, get some fresh air, and bask in the real light but the thing is, i don’t want to. there are people out there. Continue reading i go out
From Famine to Feast 