*There are some references to suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts. Check your mental state before you continue.* I made my father feel awful the other day. To be fair, I’ve asked for space. Repeatedly. From more than one parent. I’ve even said, explicitly, that it’s because I get mean when I’m triggered like this. I’m thin-skinned, reactive, and aim the knife well. This would be … Continue reading The inside voices.
My world has become odd. I’m anhedonic much of the time. Luckily, I have practice faking it. But between PTSD and pending grief, times are tough. Add very ill parents who need daily help, my own issues, and friends trapped in their own worlds of pain, and suddenly, dissociating makes sense. Being flat keeps me safer but my creativity takes a hit. It’s driven by … Continue reading Share your world.
An eating disorder is like a mushroom. What you see is only a piece: the interesting stuff happens below the surface. [i] It would be better if an eating disorder was like a parfait. Everybody loves parfait. And while my bulimia hides its secrets like a fairy ring, it lives and dies by rules. The list of things you can’t do is not only legion … Continue reading What if you could?
An “off-the-cuff” entry. It’s been a while. [i] I started today with a near-panic attack which sounds like a good thing to everyone who doesn’t suffer from panic attacks. “Near” is still gross. I couldn’t find my purse this morning. I wanted yesterday’s receipts to record in my ledger. [ii] This is the problem when you are “organized” like me. If something isn’t in its … Continue reading Did you think adulting would give you answers?
From Famine to Feast 