Eating disorders have one goal, and it’s not to get you thin. An eating disorder is trying to get you dead. There is no weight, no body shape, and no silhouette that is acceptable. The goals constantly shift. Additionally, recovery requires that you still engage with all the things that are problematic, and that are killing you. You cannot give up eating. You cannot give … Continue reading Eating disorder recovery is a bitch.
I’ve been thinking most of the time, and I don’t like it. It’s not good thinking. The thoughts are about things that hurt. They’re dissociative daydreams in which I interact with my daughter, mostly to my advantage. I purge the hurt that is plaguing me by decimating her. I don’t like those trains of thought, so I generally redirect. I remain a nasty vigilante but … Continue reading I’ve been thinking some more.
Long ago, in a galaxy that is this one, my employer decided that the annual holiday party should be a dinner and carolling cruise around the Vancouver harbour. Open bar. Dinner cruising is a popular local pastime – yachts of various sizes run them year-round featuring this theme or that one. They host them for the annual summer fireworks festival as well, though if you … Continue reading When you can’t get out.
If I use the phrase, “my first book,” it might perhaps push me to work on the autobiography that sits unopened and glaring at me from the corner of my desktop. It’s been some time since I dusted it off, and while I think I probably should, that’s not going to happen today. I’m avoidant. I’m reeling a bit from an interaction with my daughter, … Continue reading My first book, revisted.
From Famine to Feast 