Feelings come first.

I have trouble with my thoughts. I don’t like a lot of them. They’re harsh, critical, and disturbing. They make me feel bad; they make me afraid. Except they don’t. I’ve realized that I have it backwards. It’s the feelings that come first. Feelings rise up and inspire the thoughts which then the amplify the problematic feelings, creating more problematic thoughts, and so on. It’s a vicious cycle...

putterings

"behind the enforced busy work, so necessary to keep the disquiet of an unfulfilled life at bay; beyond the many and minute tasks, the mundane repetitions that if necessary can fill every waking hour and minute, there is, bubbling up from underneath; the knowledge that there could be more..."