I don’t remember that many happy times. I know they exist. There’s one of me riding a bike I come back to regularly. Much of my past is blurry, however. I have flashes and snatches, but my memory isn’t great when it comes to the day-to-day. I blame the unholy trifecta of trauma, PTSD, and age. Worst band name ever. I drifted into a relationship … Continue reading The happiest day ever was a Saturday in December.
It’s been a rough week. I’d been getting a little thin, so I thought I’d gain a little weight. I didn’t talk to anyone beforehand, of course. At any rate, I’ve gained some, but between working on my body dysmorphia and a strained effort at reconnection by my daughter (I can hear my counsellor’s voice, “why are you giving her this much power over you,” … Continue reading Early memes were fun.
TW: frank talk about mental illness, cutting, blood Body dysmorphia My obsession with my appearance began young, but self-mutilation only started in my twenties. It was tied to my eating disorder – cutting and picking at my face were part of my bulimic process – but it’s also an entity of its own and hasn’t stopped with my eating disorder recovery, though it’s significantly less … Continue reading Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD)
Some pathologies stump your growth – literal and/or metaphoric. Eating disorders are in that category. Eating disorders quickly become your everything. Other affections, beliefs, or values become subordinate to the demands it makes. I was a vegetarian on principle – I hate factory farms – except when I binged. I believed in feminism, except when it got in the way of my need to be … Continue reading Who are you and how do you want to spend your one, precious life.
From Famine to Feast 