I binged and purged last night. It was the fat thoughts. I’ve gained about ten pounds and the weight that is supposed to help me is killing me, or at least that’s what it feels like. Thinner, thinner, thinner is all I think about now. Diet hard, exercise. Forget quitting smoking, forget friends and family. Forget writing, forget recovery, forget life. Forget everything but getting thin, back to bones… Continue reading An Eating Disorder Journal entry.
…I’m a fan of being pretentious, at times, so rather than quote Disney, I decided to look up the Latin phrase. Libera. Let it go. I don’t have to hug every bad day close to my chest and take it out periodically to prove that I suffered. Continue reading Dumping old memories
I recently reread Cheryl Richardson’s “The Art of Extreme Selfcare”. I bought it a couple of years ago and read it cover to cover at the time. I took notes, highlighted important passages, and implemented nothing. Change, even positive change, is challenging and can be difficult to implement. We cling to our default settings with our dying grasp, even when they’re harmful. I’ve been dissatisfied … Continue reading Saying “I love you” to myself.
…Everything that happens is either endurable or not. If it’s endurable, then endure it. Stop complaining. If it’s unendurable . . . then stop complaining. Your destruction will mean its end as well. – Marcus Aurelius… Continue reading Nothing is unbearable.
From Famine to Feast 